Today, I fell asleep in the middle of an online class. Now everyone calls me Sleeping Beauty. FML
Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML
Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML
Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML
Today my college professor told me that I ask him too many questions. Apparently, my college tuition fee doesn't include learning. FML
Today, my father was helping me move into college. When we arrived, the students helping people move in mistook me for one of the parents. I’m 19. FML
Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML
Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML
Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML
Today, I have to pay my college an extra $1000 because there is a $20 charge every time you get locked out of your room, and I have an extremely poor short-term memory. I'm also only allowed to have exactly one keycard at any given time. FML
Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML
Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote: “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML
Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML
Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML
Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML
Today, I failed a final presentation. My partner, who did none of the research, presented the entire project, talking over me and glaring when I spoke up. He denied everything and the professor didn't believe me. Now I have to retake this class with the same professor. FML
Today, I found out that my ten-page paper, which has taken me two months to construct perfectly and is worth 30% of my grade, was on the wrong book. It’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML
Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML
Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML
Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of hers. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she'd "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML
Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML
Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML
Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML
Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML
Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML
Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML
Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML
Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and I'm single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML
Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "We follow the book." That book's older than I am. FML
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