Cats

Cat fight club

By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 6 301

Feral kitty

By HappyNewYear - 16/01/2023 06:00

Today, a cat ran into the house and got cornered in my room. Animal control wasn't answering so I did what I could to try to lure it out. It proceeded to chomp down on my finger. Way to start the New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 158

No typing! Only petting!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 15:00

Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 215

Das wat u get hoomin

By Ray - 13/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, we took my cat to get her shots. She screeched and clamored in the car until I took her out of the carrier and held her in my lap… where she immediately pooped on my new white pants and then hid under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 2 462

Pissed

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered that my cat will not use a litter box if it has a lid. How did I discover this? The two weeks of crystallized cat pee coating the floor under my 19th century grand piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 352

Energy saving

By I can't win - 19/07/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my parents had me pet-sitting their cats again, since they were going to be gone all day. I noticed their oven was on and wanted to turn it off, but when I do they always yell at me because they "had plans for dinner." This time however, they yelled at me for NOT turning it off, because they'd already ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Ballsy move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 665

You deserved it 1 927

Time doesn't always heal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 09:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 213

Garfield strikes again

By Cat owner - 29/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I think I figured out why my computer refused to start up properly the other day. My cat is a cord chewer. Now I have to close the door when I'm not in there, until I drum it into his head to not do that. And before you ask: yes, he's orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 147

Long day

By Anonymous - 09/09/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, I got home after a rough day and was really looking forward to some cuddles from my cat. I opened the door and she came running toward me, which was unusual, so I knelt down to embrace her. She ran right past me to get to the tuna sandwich I'd unwittingly dropped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 339

Take, is gift

By leaaaa 223 - 14/07/2020 23:01

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 323

By creedonfied - 06/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 332

You deserved it 2 999

Two holes

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 117

Unwelcome

By kaipodable - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 769

You deserved it 4 662

Pissed

By Sally - 24/08/2018 22:00

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 640

You deserved it 876

Cats > Babies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2020 14:00

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 440

This is mine

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 23:13 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 462

You deserved it 5 678

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 1 383

Cats hate his mustache

By Rebecca - 19/02/2022 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 325

Tracking

By Anonymous - 24/05/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought a GPS collar for my adventurous cat. After setting it up and being very curious about what he gets up to when I'm not home, I opened the app and saw his current location marked as “Inside your house.” All day. Groundbreaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 405

Cat people

By I’ll never see them again - 13/10/2022 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 216

Get well soon

By Taurus_ChicKa - 13/05/2020 23:00

Today, it's my birthday. The day started with the cat waking me up at 4 a.m., going to work since I'm considered essential, then falling down the stairs while at work. I'm now limping with a bruised/swollen foot, I can't celebrate with my family because of COVID-19, and I just started my period. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 195

Taurus_ChicKa tells us more.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 17 May 2020 19:47

Oh wow, this got posted! Awesome! Thank you so much, everyone. I am better now, and am so ready for this pandemic to end. My foot was black and blue for a few days, all the way to my toes, but fortunately no broken bones. I'm walking normal again and my bosses are insisting on paying the medical bills (even though it was my own clumsy fault). :)

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 595

You deserved it 49 456

Cats with jobs

By Where's Jerry the mouse when you want him - 17/04/2022 16:00

Today, our baby cries constantly, except for when our grumpy old feral tom cat comes over to lay beside her, lick her head and so on. This bastard cat is the most ornery sumbitch I've ever met and bites worse than a bear trap, yet he's a better dad than I am. Plus, he looks so damn smug while he's doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 270

By Ew. - 09/04/2012 15:22 - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 9 245

Startled

By Achoo - 24/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 343

I just want to go to bed

By Jay Stevens - 22/02/2023 06:00

Today, it's 1 a.m. and once again a freaking bird has flew into my house from the attic. My cats are of course all crazy right now as it sits in my room, in a high corner beyond reach. My children are sleeping and I have no way to let it outside from where it is right now. Oh and it's freezing outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 130

Harness or buggy?

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 02:00

Today, I realized that I’m one of those freaks: I took my cat on a walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 670

Classic cat prank

By Icky Foot - 24/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was walking down the hallway when I stepped in an ice cold pile of cat vomit. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 163

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 291

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Today, when going to bed after a night of heavy drinking, my boyfriend told me he was in love with his cousin, and that she’s way prettier than me. Later in the morning, he said it was just "drunk talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 105

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 379

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 394

You deserved it 269

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 9 548

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 171

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 054

You deserved it 27 756