Cats

Bad kitty

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Taylor

Today, after coming home with a delicious chocolate cake that I bought for Easter for my family, I realized my mom's cat was chewing on the end of my cellphone charging cord that I left on the floor in a rush to head out the door. I'd only just bought the cord yesterday and the cat chewed on it so hard, the plug's bent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 308

Cozy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 88

The hunter's yowl

By Good job - 31/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my cat started screaming nonstop outside my bedroom. She's never done this since she was last in heat (she's 7 1/2 years old), so I was worried. I opened the door to find that she had "killed' a mouse (a fake one, formerly attached to her cat tree) and was very proud of herself. That's cute, but… really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 180

Hooman! Do something!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 136

Chilled

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 335

Help!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 379

Classic kitten move

By Filly - 18/03/2025 13:00 - Romania

Today, I thought my new kitten had gotten out, so I roamed the streets in the pouring rain, screaming his name for hours. Eventually, my fiance called and said he was home from work. I cried that the cat was gone, and he said, "What do you mean? He's on my lap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 194

Sunday funday

By Anonymous - 02/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I spilled a bottle of honey on the floor while preparing breakfast. As I frantically tried to clean it up, my cat deemed it the perfect opportunity to slide and pad through the sticky mess like a slip-n-slide. Now, I have a honey-coated cat, a ruined floor, and a sticky mess to clean up before my roommates get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 121

Welcome!

By Vicky - 27/02/2025 22:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I was showing my new boyfriend around my apartment. Everything was going great until my cat decided to make his grand entrance by vomiting directly on the rug in front of him. My boyfriend paused, then said, “Well, at least he’s honest about his feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 88

Valid argument

By Anonymous - 27/02/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancé actually tried to skip my mum’s birthday by claiming the cat was asleep on him, and he didn’t want to move, then he yelled at me when I moved the cat for him. Guess he forgot it’s a surprise party and we’re the ones supposed to be driving my mum there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 133

Feral baby

By sad cat owner - 26/02/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I had to make the difficult decision to get rid of my cat. He's terrible around unfamiliar people and always attacks them on sight, completely unprovoked. He even does this to my niece, who isn't even a year old. Still, he's such a sweetie despite his lack of people skills, so I feel like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 270

Ninja!

By Today I closed every door on every floor of my building - 23/02/2025 16:00 - United States - Hampstead

Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 96

What the hell am I doing here?

By weirdome23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 800

You deserved it 8 732

Cats pick sides

By Anonymous - 18/02/2025 02:00

Today, after an argument with my husband, I was sat in the front room calming down when the stupid cat decided she was going to jump up onto me, spilling a full coffee cup over my husband's PS5. He's convinced I did it on purpose after the argument, when it really was all the damn cat's fault FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 188

The great escape

By Anonymous - 16/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 317

Cats hate romance

By Anonymous - 15/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I made a heart-shaped pancake for my girlfriend as a surprise Valentine's Day breakfast. I flipped it too hard, and it landed on my cat. The cat then ran around the house with a pancake cape, and the surprise was ruined by the cat bolting into the bedroom, waking my girlfriend up, who's not a morning person at the best of times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 169

Intruder alert!

By Pain - 06/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 145

Needy smol bean baby

By He's special - 29/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 186

The signs were there

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 7 281

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 039

You deserved it 6 590

Sophie's choice

By Kerry - 18/01/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I adopted a stray cat that kept showing up at my door. Turns out, it belongs to my neighbours. It wasn’t lost; it just doesn’t like living with them. Now, they want it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 147

Nasty

By What an asshole - 13/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 157

Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!

By Is he stupid? - 12/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 125

Loyalty

By No way - 10/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 193

Don't touch me

By Drama - 10/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 129

You little devil

By Awakened - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 193

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 553

You deserved it 7 047

New year, new me?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 09:00 - France

Today, my phone's OS suggested I reflect on the year gone by. I started by scrolling through my photos and realized most of them were just pictures of my cat or screenshots of memes. I should get out more in 2025. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 181

A cat called Bruce

By Dave - 24/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 224

Santa or Satan?

By Cat poo - 23/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Smithtown

Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 214

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 3 056

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 5 581

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 9 596

Today, the man I've liked for so long asked me out on a date. Three years ago I fell for him and he denied me unless I "lost 100lbs” Now I've lost about 85lbs (not because of him, but for myself) and he wants to give me the time of day. I still like him, but I feel like I have to watch my weight to keep him if I say “Yes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 526

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 236

You deserved it 5 303

Today, my unemployed-for-a-decade husband is out buying new dress shoes while I'm struggle to pay for the household bills and food all by myself. He can’t understand why I’m irritated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 167