By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML
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By  lovelyhippos  |  15

Time to have a conversation with a divorce lawyer and find your path to a better life. If your husband refuses to help when you're incapable due to medical procedures, he doesnt care enough about your health and well being to deserve you when you're at your best

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This is not "one issue". I bet she's been doing all the housework for far too long, and this is just the last straw. He's telling her he doesn't care for her at all and insulting her when she's sick and needs to rest.

By  lovelyhippos  |  15

Time to have a conversation with a divorce lawyer and find your path to a better life. If your husband refuses to help when you're incapable due to medical procedures, he doesnt care enough about your health and well being to deserve you when you're at your best

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  Pycnogonida  |  16

RichardPencil, does he live in the house, wear clothes, and eat food? Yes? Then it IS his job, numbnuts. We call children who won't clean up after themselves spoiled brats, and it's clearly worse when it's a grown man.

The deep disrespect he has for his spouse is clear. The entitlement oozes from every pore.

OP, There's a post about unfair division of housework on the advice site Captain Awkward, #506 and #507. Please take a look and see if any of what they said fits your current situation. If he truly *will not* contribute to the household labor when you can't do what you usually do, he clearly doesn't love you or even moderately respect you.

By  guiltyschuldig49  |  12

IMO, time to throw the whole husband out. I would let it be and let his ass run out of clean clothes or dishes to eat off of and let him figure it out. If you can find someone else to help at least with your clothes and such for now, that would be good. But honestly, I wouldn’t do anything for him ever again until he appreciates what you do. Cook your meals for yourself and only yourself. Wash ONLY your dishes. Wash ONLY your clothes. He can starve to death and wear dirty shit. Oh! And because he’ll probably smell of dirty clothes from wearing unwashed ones for so long, I’d let him know that’s a turn off for you and that would mean no sex either. He’ll straighten out.

By  carey33  |  15

I feel you! I’m going to give birth any day now probably tomorrow with the way my contractions have been and my husband is still acting like I can do everything like normal. Can’t wait to see what I’ll have to do after the baby is born and I can hardly move

By  Jaymail  |  17

What ever happened to the marriage vows “till death do we part”? I’ve been married 40+ years. It hasn’t always been easy. Communication is the main thing. I think if it was up to me I’d change that quote to “till you get tired of one another do you part”.

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  Vesi  |  24

What about "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish" In sickness and in health? Love and cherish? you know... all the stuff the makes the vows WORTH keeping? This person needs to ditch the sexist man-baby and take care of herself.

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  Pycnogonida  |  16

Jaymail, she has asked for him to contribute to the household labor because she PHYSICALLY CANNOT do what she normally does, and he didn't have enough respect for her to even consider it.

She *has* communicated her needs, and he has communicated his total lack of respect for her and unwillingness to be there for her when she needs it. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that, especially because we have a child and parenting is a lot of work. I hope OP doesn't have a kid yet so it's easier to leave if he doesn't wake up and start acting like she's his partner and not his maid.

By  MandySkittles  |  18

It's not his job to help his partner after surgery? Why in the world did he get married? Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a serious conversation about your relationship. He needs to stop being a manbaby!

By  chyiochan  |  30

If a real talk wont work it out, time to hire someone to do the shit for you!

"Well Honey, since it's MY job and I physically can't move, I made sure it got taken care of! It's about $80-100 extra a week but DON'T WORRY! I'm taking care of it!" ;)

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I fail to see how the wife paying for a cleaner is an acceptable solution.
my partner just recently said he couldn't be bothered with housework, I'm presenting him with a bill for his share (and pocketing the money until the cleaner can come back).