All the FMLs

Adjusted for inflation

By Matt - 15/09/2022 11:30

Today, my 7 year-old daughter was counting all the money she made over the weekend from her lemonade stand. She made sixty dollars and said now she has more money than I do. She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 221

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 266

Priorities

By Xixi - 15/09/2022 06:30

Today, my boyfriend says he “can’t afford” to buy some Pampers and formula for our daughter, yet he just pre-ordered the iPhone 14, and bought his weekly weed supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 566

Nice seeing you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 634

You deserved it 1 819

Fatherhood

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 23:00

Today, I got further proof my boyfriend isn’t a good dad. I had to leave him for about 4 hours to see my mom in hospital, but when I got home the baby was crying to be fed with a dirty nappy. I asked why she hadn’t been fed or changed. Apparently it never occurred to him that that’s why she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 446

Muesli has gone too far

By SainsburysIsFine - 14/09/2022 20:30

Today, the lady of the house managed to buy all of the nastiest, yet somehow most expensive, items in the shop. You'd think pricey food would be tasty, but apparently the posh thing is grass clippings and wood shavings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 264

You're kidding me?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 700

You deserved it 3 357

Better off

By Mysstou - 14/09/2022 15:30 - Canada - Laval

Today, I decided that since my best friend of 25 years always finds a reason not to come when I invited her to see the house I bought 6 months ago, I would stop asking, and wait for her to make the first move. Did I say today? I meant 14 months ago. I'm still waiting. I guess we're not friends anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 202

Major anger issues

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Penarth

Today, a customer phoned, asking to collect an item. I explained that there was no need, as the item had already been posted out to her and was on its way. Her response? Apparently, I don’t deserve to have a set of balls, and I’m lucky or she’d emasculate me. She'd ordered a remote control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 91

Get a second opinion

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 10:30 - Lithuania

Today, I went to see a doctor due to some gastric distress I have. I came out with directions to buy a blood pressure monitor, I'm prohibited from doing sports, and have a possible diagnosis of arterial hypertension which I am way too young to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 133

Cheeky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say, "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 105

You deserved it 3 221

Drumming up business

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 03:00 - Australia

Today, it's the fourth day since my partner and I opened our store. Opening day was great, but since then we have had a grand total of two customers. We spent our entire life savings on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 236

Like father like son

By Anonymous - 14/09/2022 00:30

Today, my ex has successfully turned our son into a copy of himself, a crooked lawyer with alcoholism, a wife who hates him, a mistress he can’t afford, and a pending jail sentence for tax evasion. They’re practically twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 255

If you're not part of the problem…

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 22:00

Today, I was fired for refusing to let a kid back into my classroom. This kid is a psycho. In the last month he punched my pregnant TA in the stomach, stabbed a girl with a pencil in the ribs, killed the class hamster, and a bunch of other stuff, but sure, I’m the problem and deserve to be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 106

Stuck on ugly

By bleh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 946

You deserved it 3 252

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 17:00 - United States - Berthoud

Today, I had to chase after my dad through a closing garage door to stop him from driving off fuming and doing something stupid. He recently got betrayed at work and called my mom's friend her boyfriend. I'm 27, living at home, don't want kids, no girlfriend, few, if any, good friends, likely unemployable because of resume gaps and bipolar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 348

Dadbods for ever

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 14:30

Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 375

Keep it down

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 07:00

Today, I was woken up at 2 a.m. by my roommates throwing a party down the hall. I put some earplugs in so I could get some rest for my 8 a.m final. They worked really well, so well in fact that I didn't hear my alarm and woke up at noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 239

That's still a thing?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 04:30

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 140

Jumping the gun

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 02:00

Today, I got my report card, and thought I did pretty well with a GPA of 3.58. My parents freaked out over the 3 B's I had, and proceeded to look up which colleges would still accept me. I just finished my first quarter as a freshman in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 125

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 215

Quit playing

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 21:00

Today, while drinking and catching up with a ex that I still love, she invited a guy over, flirted with him right in front of me, then went home with him, When I messaged her to say I found it disrespectful as fuck, she replied with sorry, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and that she misses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 1 393

How did it come to this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to say, "Put away your burrito," "That ruler is not a lightsaber," and, "Stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 5 374

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 11:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 347

Gaslighting

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 08:30

Today, I escaped an abusive relationship, only for him to manipulate my family into thinking i’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 129

It takes two to tango

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 06:00

Today, my wife is blaming me for us having to abort our baby because the amnio showed it would have severe disabilities. I supported her every decision, but apparently me agreeing with her was actually me not wanting to fight harder for our baby to live, hence, it’s all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 203

You deserved it 205

Class of 2010

By jessii - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 3 218

Cougartown

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 01:00

Today, my boyfriend met my mom and started acting strange. Then my dad came in and was instantly furious. Apparently, my boyfriend is the guy my mom cheated with that caused my parent's divorce. He’s 3 years younger than I am. Gross mom, just gross. Also I’m single again, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 222

Collect the set

By Anonymous - 11/09/2022 22:30

Today, my ex-boyfriend is now dating my cousin, and he's stopped hanging out with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 200

WTC WTF?

By no! - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Worcester

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 789

You deserved it 3 569

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Music Drunk My ex Cops Gross Poopoo peepee Love Cars Transportation Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Crush Work Farts Money LGBTQIA+ Weird Cooking AITA Sex Health Family Vacation Intimacy Kids

The Top

Today, I found out my girlfriend is bulimic. Like that wasn't bad enough, I found out because she spent all of our rent money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 089

You deserved it 3 707

Today, my mother gave me a Christmas present for the first time in 15 years: a dog. Her 16-year-old, untrained, mean dog who wears diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 636

You deserved it 3 050

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 915

You deserved it 3 805

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 529

You deserved it 3 864

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 605

You deserved it 3 218

Today, my boyfriend texted me a video of him having sex with a girlfriend he was screwing before we met. He thought it would turn me on; instead I am completely repulsed, and it will probably will haunt me for the remainder of our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 258