All the FMLs

Life is very long when you're lonely

By Luna - 22/09/2022 13:00

Today, I noticed that I feel the loneliest when I'm with my family. I was raised in group homes for most of my childhood and I'm sure my mother doesn't want me, and she hasn't for years. My brothers used to disappear as kids and just do what they wanted, whereas I'd be home before curfew and I rarely acted out but still I'm unwanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 129

Kinda sus, dude

By Meg - 22/09/2022 10:30

Today, I asked my husband to borrow his phone, since mine had died. His response was, “Well, you have a charger, use it.” When I reminded him that we weren’t at home, he screamed at me in front of everyone at the store, “I’m not letting you go through my phone and that’s final!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 205

Slightly out of hand

By ThatGuyStank - 22/09/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 185

Buggin' out

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 04:00 - Australia

Today, I reached into my wardrobe to get ready for the day, when something hairy tickled my hand. Imagine my shock seeing a fully-grown wolf spider staring me down from a coat hanger. I grabbed the can of bug spray and let him have it. Half the can later, I now need to re-wash my entire closet. Damn arachnophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 429

Bad girls

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 01:30 - Austria - Graz

Today, I was meeting up with my three best friends from high school. I spent the entire day and some money to plan a wild girls' night, only to find out their day ends in the afternoon. All three wear ankle bracelets and have a strict curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 268

Who is this mystery person?

By DarthPanda21 - 21/09/2022 23:30

Today, it seems that my punishment in life is having to live and sleep 5 feet away from the girl I've loved since the 6th grade (I'm 37 now), and rather than tell her this, I'd rather just preserve our friendship and suffer in silence. I'd even venture to say it's a reason for my failed marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 1 554

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 21:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for 5 of those years, making fun of me with her family that I don't have a social life outside of her and my 3 kids. I'm waiting to get my spinal fusion completed, so I'm a stay-at-home who that can't do much and have no other options, including no one to talk to about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 130

Splatter

By MonsterProblems - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 941

You deserved it 3 439

Gullible's travels

By Rebecca197 - 21/09/2022 13:30

Today, without trying, I convinced my 24 year-old daughter that Stop signs with a white border around it were optional. Her car is now totaled and she’s in the emergency room with whiplash. I didn’t think she’d be that gullible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 2 726

I HATE YOU HOOMAN

By What? - 21/09/2022 11:00

Today, and for the past few months, my cat has taken to yelling at me whenever I walk into the room he's in. I have no idea what he's so bent out of shape about, and I couldn't even make a reasonable guess as to why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 247

Bad hair day

By grow_fasterrr - - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 907

You deserved it 5 571

Mind your own business, Cheryl

By A different illness - 21/09/2022 03:30 - United States

Today, I was harshly scolded by a woman who claimed I "can't get over the Covid hysteria" because I was wearing a mask outside in public. I wear a mask whenever I'm outside because of seasonal allergies, and I have not caught Covid since November 2020. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 197

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

By TiredOfItAll - 21/09/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I spent months trying to show a woman we can be besties, because she thought I only wanted sex (which I totally don't), we've talked every day, texted, shared videos, ect. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn't have time for friends, let alone a bestie. I should've never tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 565

Denial

By Isabella - 20/09/2022 22:30

Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 199

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 450

Toan is stored in the balls

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 348

You deserved it 2 798

The buck stops here

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad answered his Skype call by insisting he wasn’t giving me any more money. Thing is, I had been about to ask for money, again. I tried to open a shop in the middle of a pandemic, and I’m 4 months late on rent and utilities. I ended the call so he wouldn’t see his grown son crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 1 368

Bad buzz

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 10:00

Today, I went to fix my porch light. I have called maintenance multiple times about it, but I finally decided to just fix it myself. There was a wasps' nest in the light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 121

Don't tempt me

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 07:30 - United Kingdom - Aberdare

Today, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend I was taking my kids to my mother's until he has decided if he wants to carry on being a boyfriend and stepfather. While we were gone, he apparently realised how good his life could be without us, and dumped me. I fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 1 578

The twisted case of the suitcase

By Cecilia - 20/09/2022 05:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I realized that my addiction to YouTube true crime had gone too far when I immediately though, "Dead body!" when I came across a seemingly abandoned suitcase outside my building. It's only when my neighbor came outside to pick it up that I stopped calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 1 078

LOL

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text, saying, "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 4 480

Never enough

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 00:01

Today, I spent all day doing chores around the house, including mowing and raking the lawn, paying bills, going to the store, meal prepping, and cleaning the fridge. When I sat down to enjoy some well-earned games, my girlfriend sighed and asked if I ever planned to contribute anything to our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 168

Diva

By justmeagain - 19/09/2022 21:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I requested to have my own room at a hotel instead of sharing with everyone else, and I was called an inconsiderate diva. The reason is that after eating anything, my stomach makes such loud and disgusting noises that no one would be able to sleep, but I’m too embarrassed to say that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 202

Chill out, dude

By tttTommYyy - 19/09/2022 19:00

Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 1 088

The angriest person on the internet

By Quinnald - 19/09/2022 14:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found myself cussing out the next dipshit fucked in the head enough to open its bitch mouth and mumble to itself about how I was the newest main stressor of it’s bitch-fit of a day. Taking into account the pathetic aspect of “rubbing it in” I then proceeded to cuss out the next person who got in my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 720

Wash, rince, repeat

By Vicious Cycle - 19/09/2022 11:30 - United States

Today, it has been a month since I was forced to attend my grandmother's birthday party, despite the fact that I was sick at the time. Just as I got better, my mom got sick. Then when she got better, my dad got sick. Finally, now that my dad is better, guess who's sick again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 123

Perfectionist

By J_Free_Woods - 19/09/2022 06:30

Today, I still was unable to figure out why I got a question incorrect on a test. I got all the other questions correct. I’m a perfectionist who is beating myself up over getting only 499 out of 500 correct. People think one of my parents is Asian like me, but they’re both Caucasian and never cared about my grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 442

Sympathetic barfing

By Sam - 19/09/2022 05:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 233

Now you know

By FuckfaceSteve - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Chester-le-street

Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 4 579

Wild mood swings

By Anonymous - 19/09/2022 01:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, once again, my partner is screaming at me for something that I have done and, as usual, she won't tell what it was, only that, "You know what you did," and, as usual, I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 200

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 880

You deserved it 24 012

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 363

You deserved it 3 280

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 586

You deserved it 4 500

Today, it's my first anniversary of being a manager. It also marks a 12-month period of 30% loss in monthly income, combined with 30+ hours/month of overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 452

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 636

Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 127