All the FMLs

Eww! Cleanliness!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 479

What a trip

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 02:00 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I was in gym class with my crush. We were running around until she tripped over me. Now, she hates me, and says that I tripped her when everyone saw that she tripped over me, and she hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 201

I'm up here

By Pooped - 22/11/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, apparently my parents called 911 because I wasn't answering their phone calls, so they thought something was wrong. I was in the bathroom and didn't bring my phone, so I wouldn't distract myself and ended up sitting there forever. Looks like that wasn't the right choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 140

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 22:00

Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 191

Sucks to suck

By ladeda - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I'd won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 187

You deserved it 6 872

Classic non-ironical Ironic

By Karen - 21/11/2022 18:00

Today, I had a shift at my job at a grocery store that was full of rude and impatient customers. Someone dropped a bottle of wine and it shattered next to me. I found a half-eaten packet of sushi behind some magazines. The scale on another register broke. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette played on the store radio at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 125

Family tension

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 14:00

Today, it’s been a year since my brother-in-law started sleeping on our sofa. At first I had sympathy, but he hasn’t even been looking for a job, so when I found him wearing my robe, drinking my sherry, in my armchair, I evicted his ass. Now I’m the one sleeping on the sofa because my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 153

Comedy roast

By bad auntie! - 21/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I have been teaching our son to deal with bullies using peaceful conflict resolution techniques. My younger sister however thought it’d be a good idea to teach him how to “roast” his bullies back. So far he’s made three kids cry and I have to see the principal. Thanks Sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 762

Fleeing the scene

By Winxy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 4 552

Ongoing crisis

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 06:00

Today, I found out my dad got Covid after spending the weekend at home. All my classes have me doing final projects, and my dorm's internet is a dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 140

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 04:00

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 449

Not such a great friend

By Anonymous - 21/11/2022 02:00

Today, I was looking at my best friend because I zoned out, I then turned around to look at my dog. When I looked back, he was on one knee, saying that, “This is terrible timing but I’ve always loved you, will you marry me?” Two days before my wedding with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 192

Kevin can **** himself

By How 'bout no - 21/11/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, the almost 80 year-old man who almost became my mom's stepfather is in the hospital again. This man is not only a raging alcoholic (emphasis on "raging") who by all means should not be alive, but he's also pushed away everyone who cares about him. He still expects us to drop everything for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 124

Efficiency

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 22:00 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I realized why my wife starts so many arguments lately. I vent by angry-cleaning. She pisses me off on purpose so she doesn't have to do any chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 268

Nagging

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 276

You deserved it 57 492

Bombed

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I bombed a job interview after preparing overnight for it. It was literally my only opportunity to survive during this era of layoffs and hiring freezes, but I totally fudged it. I fucked it so hard that I can't feel my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 261

Spendthrift

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out my significant other has been secretly spending our savings. Inflation was bad enough, but goodbye safety net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 106

Panic!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 120

You deserved it 39 788

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 06:00

Today, I talked to my boyfriend yet again about being more verbal and apparent about showing affection towards me. It ended with me asking him how would I even know if he wants me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 195

CPTSD

By Unknowingly abused - 20/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, and almost every day, I find out that something "mean" or morally questionable my parents used to do to me when I was a kid is actually considered abusive. I've now come to the conclusion that I was a victim of pretty much every type of abuse (except for the physical kind) during my childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 188

Don't rock the boat

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 00:00

Today, my wife put petrol in my diesel car and ruined the engine, I got a bit upset, but I wasn’t screaming or yelling or anything, but she flew completely off the handle at me at how I was putting all the blame on her and it wasn’t fair. I ended up apologising to her for her mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 421

No show

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 22:00

Today, I can't seem to let go of what my family had done. Years ago, they spent hundreds, if not a thousand, for gifts on a family friend's baby shower, yet have bought nothing for my shower, which was two months ago, not to mention none of them attended the shower either. They've had the registry for 5 months, and I'm due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 214

For those who work in customer service, we salute you

By fenris - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid ran up to me and threw up. It was a 10-hour shift, and I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 714

You deserved it 775

Baby don't drive my car

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 18:00

Today, I drove through a drive-through car wash. The steering wheel turned left on it own. I was pretty sure the railing guided the car but my stupid ass turned the wheel to the other side and popped the car off the rails. It crashed into one of the machines and now I have a huge dent to the front of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 1 113

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 14:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I came back home from a 3-month trip to see my boyfriend and his family. Leaving them was obviously very emotional, and to top it off as soon as I got home, I realized I'd left my antidepressants behind, and I now have the flu as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 154

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex hit me up out of the blue, so I texted our mutual friend to tell them what had happened. The friend then told my ex and he got mad, ending with him texting me, “Pop quiz: When’s the last time you took a shower?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 252

Coming out

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 10:00

Today, I told my mom that I’m a lesbian. She was fine with it, supported me 100%, and it was a huge relief, until she followed up with, “Until you find a husband, then you’ll obviously have to stop all that.” The reason I even told her is because my girlfriend just proposed to me, and we’re engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 201

Fragile

By Hlaalette - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 3 163

Soaking

By Dumbass - 19/11/2022 06:00

Today, I went to change my socks after I stepped in a puddle of water. As I walked out of my bedroom with a fresh pair of socks, I stepped in the puddle again. Three times. That's four pairs of socks ruined. God, I'm such a dumbass sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 160

RIP

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 04:00 - Australia

Today, while I was staying at a farm for a few nights, I got really connected to a chicken I met. It was so tame and really cuddly. I legit loved it so much. Later on, we had chicken for dinner. It was the same chicken. He also had a name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 457

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Music Drunk My ex Cops Gross Poopoo peepee Love Transportation Cars Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Crush Work Farts Money LGBTQIA+ Weird Cooking AITA Sex Health Family Vacation Intimacy Kids

The Top

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 3 267

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 52 998

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 50

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 318

Today, I went to the gym for the first time. I was nervous about using the showers because I'm embarrassed about my dick, but I felt better when I heard that guys don't check each other out in the shower. I was fine until 3 different guys talked about my junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 254

Today, after none of my friends who said they'd be at the Jackbox game night I was hosting showed up on the Zoom call, I heard a knock at the door. All of them thought it was in person at my place, which is a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 892