Health: Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This... - FML

By Anonymous - 06/09/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 435

You deserved it 7 715

Taking stock

Mama's boy

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 11 996

By ishouldhavebeenbornrich - 14/09/2016 16:28

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 503

You deserved it 1 214

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 237

You deserved it 49 255

By crazycora - 13/12/2010 19:32 - Belgium

Today, I woke up to my kids shaking me, saying, "Get up, Santa was here!" I got up to find my TV, computer and MacBook Air all gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 218

You deserved it 3 510

By ilovefootball - 07/09/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 177

You deserved it 78 053

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 10:02 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 987

You deserved it 2 254

Kinky.

By GnatEater - 07/09/2018 15:00

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 770

By Ford - 03/01/2018 01:30

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 587

You deserved it 515

By RIP - 18/06/2016 23:17 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 661

You deserved it 1 208

By max - 03/01/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 048

You deserved it 30 343

I want to ride my bicycle

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 14:02

Today, I decided to ride my bike for the first time in over a year. It was seemingly going well, until I got to the first hill. As I began to ascend, I was trying a bit to hard and shit my pants, 8 kilometers away from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 249

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 074

You deserved it 12 402

By radioactiveglowinthedarkthing - 10/10/2011 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 105

You deserved it 3 568

By ljd09 - 04/11/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 471

You deserved it 2 446

Creepypasta

By terrifiedanon - 29/06/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 131

By drycleanplz - 21/06/2011 02:33 - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 12 807

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 13:30

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 259

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 918

You deserved it 3 877

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 4 463

By fuck wannabe knowitalls - 03/06/2013 23:13 - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 673

You deserved it 3 762

By NorwegianMadman - 22/12/2016 11:55

Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 468

Cruella

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 14:01

Today, my son was having a hard time mentally, and asked my wife if she loved him as much as she loved her biological children. She straight up told him not to be stupid, because of course she doesn’t love a step-kid as much as she loves her "real kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 174

By miss tomato - 08/06/2012 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 440

You deserved it 5 644

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 18:38 - Ireland

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 630

You deserved it 6 415

By SummersEve - 12/02/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 706

You deserved it 33 223

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 400

You deserved it 5 167

By Unknown - 09/02/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 675

You deserved it 35 097

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 162

By socianx - 18/08/2013 21:23 - Albania

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 090

You deserved it 5 652

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 062

You deserved it 3 824

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 286

By dmvfail - 15/09/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 281

You deserved it 2 949

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 16:58 - Finland - Nykarleby

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 114

You deserved it 3 362

By Z - 14/11/2012 00:43 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 661

You deserved it 35 446

By Anonymous - 11/09/2016 05:52 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 142

You deserved it 1 067

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 1 520

Getting on

By S. Michaels - 14/03/2012 15:17 - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 3 635

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 10:07 - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 443

You deserved it 3 229

#LurkerForLife

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 05:00

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 700

You deserved it 1 068

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 574

You deserved it 917

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:10

It's okay. Some girl was dreaming about having a penis a while ago.

rocker_chick23 27

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Tuesday 19 August 2014 19:05

The OP could have gynecomastia which is the growth of abnormally large breasts in males. It is due to the excess growth of breast tissue, not excess fat tissue. My friend had it when he was younger due to anabolic steroid abuse and had to get them reduced.

Comments

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:10

It's okay. Some girl was dreaming about having a penis a while ago.

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:12

1- hahah man FML is getting more messed up every day.

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:13

Freeze, I don't know why you insist on telling everyone my business!

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:21

pics or it's surgery..

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:24

don't get in trouble and go to prison

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:25

Two wrongs don't make a right. Three lefts do. With that said, it is absolutely heinous for a 20 year old man to have large boobs, regardless of whether or not some other chick wants a dick. Now tell the OP he needs to work on his mangina and he will be set.

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:26

then exercise. problem solved fatty.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:27

Did you explain to him that you're in the middle of your sex change?

unidentified_sta 5

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:33

You're part way to being a woman, FINISH THINGS UP!

guiltypleasure12 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:34

knibbsy on my list you will never go.(:

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:35

hey comment moderators you just moderated one of my comments because I informed the op that this was not an fml. FUCK you for turning fml into a place where no one can comment or express their thoughts without fear of being moderated or banned. your ruining fml so go ahead and moderate this. fyl for being so power hungry

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:37

No one cares about your moderated comment.

bummervacation 10

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:38

Haha you remember that FML too? Lmao

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:38

They're ruining FML? No, they are keeping the idiots off of this site. If it weren't for them, there would be no site. Why don't you click on, "our rules" and read it before you press send? Don't get all heated at the moderators just because you can't follow the rules. If people weren't allowed to express themselves on here, there would be no comments. Idiot. Edit: Your comment wasn't even moderated you moron.

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:39

too funny Freeze; I was thinking the same!

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:39

win

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:42

lol 27 I hope they don't moderate your comments to show what a fuck up you are.

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:07

LOL!!!!!

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:52

*salutes at freeze* <3

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Monday 6 September 2010 11:06

lol 60 win * salutes to freeze as well* owned my a doctor man that's sad

black_knight402 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 11:07

someday those moobs will help you, believe it or not.

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Monday 6 September 2010 11:29

How does Freezes ass taste guys?

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Monday 6 September 2010 11:33

today I went to the doctor who told me I have an unusialy large penis.... I am a 20 yr old female that would be an fml

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Monday 6 September 2010 13:38

better go pick out a DD

parii 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 14:19

man you guys bitch alot.

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 6 September 2010 15:38

Well...look on the bright side OP, you just saved money on breast implants! :D It's time for you to go bra shopping! Don't forget to buy a sports bra so that your big boobs dont jiggle when you go jogging.

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Monday 6 September 2010 18:54

life is a bitch tits...

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Monday 6 September 2010 18:55

pics or it didn't happen?

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Monday 6 September 2010 20:34

MOOBS!!!

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:11

maybe u should go ahead n go through the whole gender transformation process :p

daveanthony33 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:11

gross

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:11

what size of bra would u be??? lol

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:22

i don't know but I'm guessing he'd need a major push up bra

amayalives4music 1

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Friday 12 August 2011 21:56

Probably very big....sorry to say.

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:16

You could... use an ace bandage?

uwishucouldfyl 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:04

what if it's a skinny guy with fat breasts

SaRah_In_LoVe 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:17

Lmao just think about how much money us girls pay get a chest like that :p

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:29

yeah...what girl doesn't want her own pair of giant, flobby moobs. Or man for that matter!

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:18

Op you need to go to the moobie theatre and get some popcorn so you can relax. Tit's no big deal, just excercise! Unless you have a medical contition then your life is fucked til it's fixed.

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:02

lol!

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Monday 6 September 2010 13:13

lmao the was so corny

mostlybroken12 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:18

wow, um, wow.

ohthebloodygore 16

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:14

Wow, um, wow. You're an idiot, your brain can't even process simple words other than 'wow'.

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 12:54

calm your farm buddy

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Sunday 12 September 2010 6:03

126 doubt that you in pic but whoreeeeeeeeeeeeee

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:20

rofl

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Monday 6 September 2010 9:25

moobs

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Monday 6 September 2010 10:31

lol

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Monday 6 September 2010 13:19

lmao

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 64

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 228