Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML
Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML
Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, working on an ambulance, we had an elderly man who was obviously scared, so to get his mind off things I made small talk. When I went to ask if he was retired, it came out as, "So Steve, are you retarded?" My partner/supervisor across from me had tears running down her face from trying not to laugh. FML
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Top comments
RobinGoodfellow 47
Good news: you apparently have a nice rack. Bad news: people are creeps. Especially drunk people.
marcmaralou 15
while that is perverted ... he's 83 and he's got nothing to lose
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Comments (66)
Wolfparable 22
Let the old pervert suffer then. People who do things like that don't deserve your kindness miss.
cheeeksss 29
Well, he was intoxicated.. But I don't think he was dying if he was capable of groping OP's chest. Which is pretty bad in my opinion.
Caylypso 6
#8 its horrible, I'm a guy but it I was a girl and some drunk creep groped me, I'd probably smack a bitch!
Ichiya 29
I would. Does that make me a bad person?
gobiteme2 34
You should have reached down to check the pulse in the femoral artery and gave him the thrill of his life by crushing his private parts.
RobinGoodfellow 47
Good news: you apparently have a nice rack. Bad news: people are creeps. Especially drunk people.
Exodiafinder687 58
He was just returning the favor by checking for lumps to make sure you don't have breast cancer.
iAlissa 34
If he wasn't an elderly man, I definitely would've decked him in the face, regardless of his level of intoxication.
iAlissa 34
I actually take that back. No one would "grope my boobs" regardless of age. Definitely would've punched him.
mightycocoman 12
Why are we cracking down on funny comments? Has the site turned to asses?
dicamillo27 11
right?? nobody can take a joke on here
Bigfabthetruth52 22
yeah his comment was pretty funny, to me anyways.
theoneandonlybro 18
I love it XD too good, he's 83, and drunk off his ass, he doesn't give a **** anymore
Silly_Lilly6969 23
I'd sit on his chest until he apologized for being disgusting
RobinGoodfellow 47
He might like it, though.
Darkness_Hate 29
Bad idea miss. He will enjoy it for sure.
Retaheki 27
If she has a bony butt, maybe, otherwise he'd just grope that too.
marcmaralou 15
while that is perverted ... he's 83 and he's got nothing to lose
niallo 23
Actually, he can lose his freedom. Drunk or not, old or not, it's sexual assault. You go to jail for that.
Vestin 18
#12: He's 83. You can't even terrorize a person of this age with a life sentence, since he's already on death row for the crime of being alive a long time. The looming shadow of death tends to put things into perspective.
Caylypso 6
thsts not a life senctence, its like a five month sentence if that.
R2Y2 22
"Going to jail? Who cares, I'm dying in a year anyways."
Ethan5640 17
He's probably thinking he better have one last feel before he hobbles off into the light.
shessohighh 10
I hate how some elderly people think they can do whatever they want and everyone just kind of accepts it. What bullshit! I don't give a shit if you're going to die soon. Does that mean you should spend your last days being a ****?
emtboy 6
I had a 87 y/o female pt with breathing problems, but not really try and grab my junk when I went to check her lungs.
Retaheki 27
I wonder if grabbing junk feels as good to girls as grabbing boobs feels to guys?
eddyinfinity 21
If you were my girl friend, I swear I would rip his motherfucking dick off.
immaMonsta 8
That's a tad bit violent, don't you think?
eddyinfinity 21
Perverts should get what they deserve regardless of their ages
drayloon 50
Wouldn't it be more practical to rip his hand off? Hell, at 83, his junk probably isn't very functional without "help" anyway lol
eddyinfinity 21
Hahaha good point mate
baxwar 15
So being that this man is 83 ******* years old He is much more fragile to any injury than the young Beating the shit out of him, or ripping his dick off in your form Would have a much higher chance of killing him So if you were to go about beating him up and he turns up dead Old or not you just committed murder so now this man is dead and you are the one serving a life sentence because he touched some **** Cruel man just cruel
JHam12 14
Reminds me of The Sandlot
sammyjanette 17
A swift kick to the sack would solve that problem, and you're a volunteer, so no need to worry about getting fired.
boydope420 8
He's 83 tbh it'll probably kill him.
Dvalerie 14
Fyl
Xx_Slayer_xX 22
...There is a button for that.