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Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

#6435507
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12969) - you deserved it (50394)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

#13203283
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12969) - you deserved it (33632)

On 09/26/2010 at 12:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

#5247555
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12964) - you deserved it (31232)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12953) - you deserved it (32805)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

#5930750
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12953) - you deserved it (29510)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12945) - you deserved it (28138)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

#19905644
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12943) - you deserved it (27550)

On 07/07/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by Ali - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12940) - you deserved it (40637)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12938) - you deserved it (73136)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

#13571431
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12938) - you deserved it (47913)

On 10/24/2010 at 1:26am - kids - by badteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML

#73
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12936) - you deserved it (53089)

On 10/26/2008 at 11:27pm - misc - by Erasmus - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML



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