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Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

by erptwerp / 03/07/2016 at 11:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2012 at 8:59am / United States / Kids

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

by single and hatless / 11/27/2015 at 10:46pm / United States (Delaware) / Love

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 1:45am / United States / Work

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

by kazmatazz / 05/17/2012 at 6:33am / Oman / Work

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

by blondie / 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, it's been exactly two years since I got my last raise. And the amount I got still allows me the luxury of being able to afford a Snickers bar every month. FML

by Disgruntled / 04/18/2012 at 3:49am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

by phoneless / 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm / Jordan / Miscellaneous

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

by LDL / 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

by luvs2spooge89 / 05/01/2013 at 10:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML

by a_dani365 / 07/06/2015 at 5:37pm / United States (Nebraska) / Holidays

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

by fresh single / 04/03/2016 at 3:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous