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Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

by SadIndianLife / 11/15/2015 at 4:00pm / India (Delhi) / Love

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm / Intimacy

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

by panicked headaches / 12/07/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

by kazmatazz / 05/17/2012 at 6:33am / Oman / Work

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

by lizann / 04/03/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, it's been exactly two years since I got my last raise. And the amount I got still allows me the luxury of being able to afford a Snickers bar every month. FML

by Disgruntled / 04/18/2012 at 3:49am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

by Tanuki_paws / 08/26/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

by bigmikenyc / 07/15/2010 at 5:31am / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

by crazycatlady / 11/19/2012 at 11:15am / United States / Animals

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

by Dr_JF / 12/15/2008 at 2:11am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 3:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

by LDL / 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love