Today, after I filed for divorce, the papers were received by my soon-to-be ex-husband on our wedding anniversary. FML
Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML
Today, I'm 29 years-old, yet my dad still thinks he can be the stereotypical overprotective dad of a teenage daughter who tries to scare off her boyfriends. If it wasn't for my mom who defends me, I would go no contact with him. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML
Today, I realized I have a praise kink when the guy who I was sexting online called me a good girl and I came instantly, then promptly burst into tears because I've never felt such affection. FML
Today, I attended a virtual meeting and forgot to mute myself while I was eating crisps. The crunching sounds were so loud that everyone in the meeting started imitating them. It became the most unproductive yet hilarious meeting ever. FML
Today, it was the day that I had been waiting for weeks to arrive: I finally finished the hiring process for my new job… Only to find out not only my paycheck, but the job itself was fake. Thanks Indeed, my first new bank account after years of debt, my disability, and my will to live greatly appreciate it. FML
Today, I got my hand caught in a belt sander while sanding down what was supposed to become a "Caution" sign. FML
Today, I got gifted a US MRE Menu 4 Cheese and Veggie Omelette, despite the fact that this crap has been discontinued by the government, as well as probably expired, as a "Thank you for your service" gift. I thought they'd gotten rid of this crap. FML
Today, I went to the store for one thing: eggs. I came out with eggs, a new plant I didn’t need, and a jar of pickles that I’ll never eat. At least the eggs didn’t roll out of the bag this time, especially now they're practically considered a luxury item. FML
Today, I'm currently in a relationship, but he acts like a child. My boss has been trying for over a year to get my attention, and I've ignored his advances this whole time, but now I think that I've caught feelings for him. I'm torn between a man child and my boss who makes me submissive. What is wrong with me? FML
Today, when asked confirm my login details via text or automated phone call, I chose the phone call to pretend that someone actually cared enough to call me. FML
Today, I looked at house listings, found my parents' home, empty and repainted. I hope they're OK. No calls. I'd been gone for months, ill, weak, and struggling to recover. They knew this. They threw away life memories, my body of work, new clothing and supplies for when I got back on my feet, and more. Gutted. FML
Today, I was talking to my new boyfriend, when he told me, “listen, I’m not the greatest at sex, so if you want to come, you’ll have to do it yourself." FML
Have you watched episode 2 yet? Let us know if you had the same reaction!
Today, it was the birth of my first child but it's been anything but a happy time because just a couple of days ago, my wife lost four relatives in a single day (both of her siblings, her father, and grandmother). Neither of us are excited about today at all. FML
Today, I recently moved to a new place. People around me here have been ignoring me from day one. It feels awkward and embarrassing to not get response when i talk to them. I'm an extrovert but still I can't cope up with this behavior. It's like they are observing my moves, and it's kind of creepy too. FML
Today, after I was gentrified out of my rent-controlled San Francisco apartment on June 1st by speculators, which I could only afford because of the rent control, I haven’t been able to find a new place yet. I've been living in hotels off a small settlement, but money ran out last week so now I’m on the streets. FML
justme415 tells us more.
LOL Great advice. You are so wise. ooops, sorry, I meant you’re a miserable, unpleasant, hateful person. But yeah, if you must know, 1) the rent control started 30 years ago, way before and had nothing at all to do with COVID, 2) I am disabled and on a fixed, severely limited income and have been looking for another place I can afford the for 14 years (the entire time I’ve lived in this place), 3) even still, I spend the majority of every day job hunting, so far with no success. it literally take less than 3 minutes to post an FML, I assume from your comment that you never take any breaks at your job, and (4) the eviction was gentrification. the new owners of the building took it off the rental market so they can rent it out again after 4 years at a much higher rent (they specifically have a history of doing it to other buildings) and 5) there’s a government program that provides free cell phone and service, including data, to low-income people. So in the words of tRump who it’s apparent you’re a supporter of, suck it (my words) you nasty woman (tRumps words).
Today, I had to help one of my best friends while he was having a seizure. Earlier this morning my longtime girlfriend broke up with me. Oh, and also earlier this week I found out my other best friend has cancer. Lord take me now. FML
Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML
Today, as a teacher, I saw a younger boy kick an older boy in the crotch and I reported it in our online system. Despite typical consequences for violence (automatic suspension), the department head, a drinking buddy of the boy's parents, gave him only a single detention. Now, the department head is harassing me for reporting the incident. FML
Today, I entered my neighbors’ yard around a shorter corner than usual. Their old dog is getting a bit slow, but unfortunately only in her head: By the time she recognized me as harmless, she had already run up and bitten me. FML
Today, I found out my sudden weight loss wasn’t because I changed my diet. It’s because I have heart failure FML
Today, I organised a birthday party for myself. There was supposed to be about 20 people coming. Not a single person showed up. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I realised that my landlord was peeking in the whole time through broken ventilator. Once he tried to get into my room, using his keys. I couldn't tell the landlord's wife, as I didn't have any proof so I left the house, even though my rent was long due. FML
Today, my boyfriend has severe dog phobia, and a dog off its lead ran up to him in a car park. He panicked and tried to jump into the car, but the door hit it in the head and it started fitting and seizing. About three people called the police and the dog's owner broke our car window. FML
Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML
Today, I got way too used to using two oven mitts at once to take food out of the oven since I'm so clumsy. So, when I tried to take food out of the oven with the only one oven mitt I could find… Well, take a wild guess what happened. Go on, just try and guess it. FML
Today, I had to hide under my husband silently as he tried to get our 3 year-old son to go play in the living room so we could both finish. Sex is hard when you have kids. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
