The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 13 November 2023, 14:00 ·Norfolk, United States

Timelapse

Today, I married my wife a few weeks before deploying to Kosovo as a military peacekeeper. She was a young Christian whose father, a pastor, performed our wedding ceremony. Before I got home, she told me that she and her cousin were lovers and that she used the money I sent her to file for divorce and pay for their honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 17 May 2025, 09:00 ·Warren, United States

Surely that's enough

Today, I was proud of myself for taking a break from my sedentary lifestyle to go to the gym 3 times a week (and have been doing so for awhile) and do cardio for 30 minutes on an exercise bike. It turns out that's less than the 5 times a day you're supposed to get 30 minutes of exercise. I'm off by 2 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253 You deserved it 153

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hard lesson · 12 August 2022, 14:00 ·United States

Bigots, bigots everywhere

Today, I had to have a very unfortunate conversation with my young daughter about homophobia and bigotry, after the neighbor said she can’t play with her kids anymore. My daughter mentioned she had two mommies, me and my platonic best fiend who’s her godmother. My poor baby is still inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188 You deserved it 179

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Anonymous · 29 May 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Isn't this, like, a crime?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717 You deserved it 167

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thomasthedankengine · 2 June 2021, 21:59 ·Lafayette, United States

Who's the loser?

Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827 You deserved it 307

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Anonymous · 23 June 2021, 19:59 ·Steele, United States

Smoking kills

Today, my grandmother - who has been a heavy smoker for almost forty years, and does not believe in the dangers of smoking - was diagnosed with COPD. Also, I'm now at a greater risk of developing COPD because of her (and my parents, who also smoke). FML

I agree, your life sucks 887 You deserved it 100

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BigFatLiar · 17 August 2022, 06:00

Retcon

Today, I had an assignment to make a Powerpoint of our summer, using our photos. Wanting to impress my classmates, and never having the opportunity to travel, I made one about a fake trip to NYC with pics from Google. My professor informed me that one of “my” pics of the city had the WTC towers in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 You deserved it 1 739

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Anonymous · 11 June 2021, 16:01

Rude awakening

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855 You deserved it 148

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Anonymous · 26 August 2022, 10:00

School of hard knocks

Today, I'm 23 years-old and most of the people in my grade who I went to highschool with are taking vacations every month with their rich and supportive parents or their significant others. Some of them have never worked a job. I have to work every day just to make rent, and cut off my judgemental unsupportive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983 You deserved it 233

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Anonymous · 13 June 2025, 09:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Gaming the system

Today, I can admit I was wrong for cheating but my psycho ass ex took her revenge too damn far. Instead of cheating back or going wild with her girlfriends or breaking up with me, she called the authorities on my parents and had them deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664 You deserved it 460

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Anonymous · 17 December 2023, 00:00 ·United States

But… why?

Today, my relationship of over a decade ended very badly and suddenly. He asked for one last favor and I agreed… before realizing it meant I had to go to the church where we'd always planned to marry. Thanks for the final stake to the heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 201

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Sexless · 18 June 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

The happy couple

Today, on our honeymoon, my wife still won't have sex with me. When I brought it up, she started crying and said she's still "not ready" for sex. We're both in our late twenties. When the fuck will she be ready? FML

I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 244

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Anonymous · 17 June 2021, 00:01

I could be happy

Today, I got my first job offer in over a year, a mere few days after being accepted to study for my dream career. My crippling depression won't allow me to enjoy any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871 You deserved it 160

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Anonymous · 22 August 2022, 04:00

Projection

Today, I was getting ready to go pick up a few things for much-needed projects around the house, when I heard my husband yelling from the basement. The lawnmower had kicked a rock through the expensive sliding glass door we just finished paying off. The rattling refrigerator may have to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953 You deserved it 143

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Divorced · 30 August 2022, 18:00 ·Miami, United States

Florida man

Today, I walked in on my husband making out with another woman in our couch. When I gave him the mother of all verbal lashings, he asked me, “Oh, you didn’t get my text?” The fucker actually announced he wanted a divorce over text message. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634 You deserved it 209

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Anonymous · 23 December 2023, 06:00 ·United Kingdom

Lesson learned

Today, some guy has been routinely parking in my designated spot outside my block of flats, so I thought I’d teach him a lesson by putting a clamp on his tyre. I later went outside, and not only had he cut the clamp off, he’d left me a note basically saying, "Better luck next time, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 450 You deserved it 281

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RowerBud · 2 July 2021, 08:01 ·Cleveland, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Oddly specific

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341 You deserved it 962

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Anonymous · 23 January 2020, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Just love!

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119 You deserved it 546

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boobsnbaseball · 2 July 2021, 05:59

…and then everyone clapped

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043 You deserved it 230

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Anonymous · 13 January 2024, 06:00 ·Germany

Grey sweater gang rise up

Today, my partner and I went over to my mum’s for dinner. She’s not a formal person, so he wore a black fleece sweater. It was a nice, relaxed evening, until we got home and I had to attack him with the lint roller for what felt like half an hour. Yes, my mom has cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355 You deserved it 191

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Anonymous · 11 July 2021, 05:58

Bittersweet

Today, I, a woman, realized that only women find me attractive, which is fine, except that I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920 You deserved it 104

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Denofthieves · 16 September 2022, 16:00

Porch piracy

Today, I received a text saying that a package had just been delivered to the house. By the time I reached the front door, it had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · 20 January 2024, 00:00 ·United States

The heart wants what the heart wants

Today, I care more and have stronger feelings for my boss/best friend than my boyfriend, and can't tell either of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 You deserved it 578

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Anonymous · 22 July 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Rude awakening

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 585 You deserved it 115

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J…… · 21 January 2024, 15:00 ·Coventry, United States

Snow day

Today, is the second time this week that school is delayed because of snow or "extreme ice." It's like we're Texas now, they get 2 inches of snow and the whole state gets shut down, but no, I live in Rhode Island. I gotta go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 147

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Achoo · 24 September 2022, 20:00 ·United States

Startled

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901 You deserved it 345

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Anonymous · 24 January 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Sitcom moment

Today, my crush invited me to her house and I ended up meeting her dad. Then she suddenly had to dash off because her boyfriend, whom I had no idea existed, unexpectedly had free time so they were going on a last minute date, which left me awkwardly sat there in the kitchen with her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628 You deserved it 118

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Mariah · 25 September 2022, 16:00

The wagon

Today, after waiting two days for my ADD med because of "insurance issues", I was told it's out-of-stock. I have one pill left, and the pharmacy isn't open on the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 178

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sam · 31 January 2024, 06:00 ·San Diego, United States

Star power

Today, I took a girl I like to a local band’s show. She didn’t want to dance with me, and after the show she got the lead singer’s number and planned to hang out the next day. We’re both 24, this kid just turned 19. She told me she was only into men her age or older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 21 July 2021, 22:01 ·Ebersbach, Germany

Hangry

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808 You deserved it 128

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