The Top

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Don't bother me

By So fed up - 10/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I started keeping track. From 7 am to 8:30 pm, my wife, my 11 year-old son, and my 9 year-old daughter screamed for my help 154 times. Every time, it was the most mundane, trivial shit that they could have solved with a nanosecond of critical thinking, but no, easier to bother Dad for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 205

A bit weird, mom

By let it go already! - 07/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my mom was serious when she said she’d never get over me dumping my ex. While babysitting my 6 month-old daughter, she took her to meet said ex for lunch while I was at work. Problem? He’s not my daughter’s father and I broke up with him when I was 16. My husband is pissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 123

All shook up

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 22:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, in an effort to save some money, I attempted to paint my own house. Instead, I fell off the ladder and broke my dominant arm. Now I can’t work, brush my teeth, or even wipe my ass. My house is half-painted with stuff everywhere and I have 6 weeks to recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 277

BREAKING NEWS

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 343

I'm a grown-ass man!

By geodemaster - 30/01/2022 23:00

Today, I texted my dad, “My body hates me.” His response was, “No. You are pushing responsibility off yourself and refusing to do anything about it by saying that.” I was actively making a doctor’s appointment at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 420

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 05:02

Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 1 110

Love is a battlefield

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 389

Terms and conditions may apply

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you lay your cellphone on the table at a restaurant, it is not their responsibility if the server pours coffee all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 362

What did I do to you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 18:00

Today, I was kicked out of my ex-girlfriend's apartment, with whom I’ve been staying with, because I’m a 'bad influence to her two sons' since I’m an 'alcoholic who passed out and pissed the couch.” I’ve been sober since the beginning of January, and have been in AA since. I'm also prone to seizures. She does Meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 279

Silver linings and all that

By JadedAsHell - 23/05/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancé of 5 years left me for classmate of his. He says he feels more chemistry and a deeper connection with her, and if he moved forward with the wedding (most of which is non-refundable), he’d be marrying the wrong person, and it “wouldn’t be fair” to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 152

Opportunity knocks

By Anonymous - 20/05/2023 22:00

Today, I learned that Guru Tugginmypudha was right, two elephants humping is the ultimate distraction, as in, when two elephants started humping during my kids' trip to the zoo, a mad crowd of idiots rushed to watch, and somewhere in the middle of it all I clearly felt a pickpocket steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 151

Zapped

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:01 - Germany - Olbersdorf

Today, I got the worst electric shock ever, touching a wire that was connected to the electric fence only by a plastic isolator, made specifically to NOT conduct electricity. I still don’t understand how it was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 150

Message in a bottle

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 03:00

Today, I realized I was in love with the girl in the red Converses. She moved away about 4 months ago and it's way too late, but I haven't been able to get her out of my head, and it's killing me knowing that I lost my chance with her. I wish I was the one to really know her, not her toxic friends and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 817

The chase

By Paula - 05/11/2024 12:00 - Canada

Today, I went for a "relaxing" walk on a local trail. I got chased by an angry goose halfway back to my car. Apparently, it didn’t appreciate my "peaceful" attempt to take a selfie with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 949

Deep cut

By It's a horrible song lmao - 07/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I lost my phone while at the store with my mom. She decided to call it, and that's when I remembered that my ringtone for her is the song "Mother" by The Police. The weirded-out stares I got as I picked up my phone have become a core memory that I absolutely did not want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 374

Metal Zone

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our baby refuses to sleep through the night. My dad told us to play Heavy Metal because it put me to sleep as a baby. We are currently playing "Jekyll and Hyde" by Five Finger Death Punch on repeat and she’s been asleep for 7 hours. Unfortunately, the neighbours are furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 211

By forgetable - 28/04/2019 02:00

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 440

By Corn-ed-Teeth - 30/04/2019 18:00

Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 788

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 2 519

Helicopter Karen

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 22:00

Today, the mother of my most boneheaded student got upset when her “precious baby” miserably failed my class. She then threatened to accuse me of failing him due to racism, because I’m black, somehow overlooking the giant camera on the ceiling I installed for my own safety. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 114

The Fall

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 217

That's not a real thing

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Flitwick

Today, after talking to a girl for a little over a month, and both of us saying we liked each other and FaceTiming each other for multiple hours each day, she told me I’m “too easy to talk to” and friendzoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 153

Everyone's a critic

By Mark A. Collette - 24/06/2023 15:00

Today, I saw the "Weird: Al Yankovic" movie. What a waste of time that I will never get back. And I don't have that much time left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 869

Natural selection

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Minnedosa

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 419

Lost weekend

By Staypositiveforwhat? - 06/05/2022 04:00

Today, after all the effort to book a weekend away to a wine farm, the airline has been grounded, and the accommodation refuses to give us a refund. Also, the other airlines have tripled their prices, so it is not feasible for us. So now we have to consider doing a 17-hour drive each way for a two night stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 113

Bizarre Love Triangle

By SalemSyfer - 25/01/2021 10:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I found out that one of my best friends likes the girl that I like. What's funny is that my best friend is also a girl, and has a better chance with her than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 157

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 02/12/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma told me that if she was a braver person, she would've actually have split up with grandad on their second date, but she was afraid of being alone so she married him instead and had a bunch of kids she never actually wanted. Wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 497

Obstacles

By Anonymous - 06/07/2023 12:00 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I'm halfway through of packing my stuff as we are moving to another flat. I discovered that I got chickenpox, which means that I should do no hard physical work. I've got a fever and a headache. It started raining in the morning, so loading stuff to truck is going to be so much fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 136

Hairstyle lifehack

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 12:00 - United States - Albany

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 386

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The Top

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 1 861

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park, so we did. As we were walking back, I was carrying her on my back. When we were almost at the front door, she told me she had to pee. I told her to hold it in for a second. As we were walking through the door, I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 592

You deserved it 16 917

Today, my newly installed Ring doorbell captured crystal clear footage of my wife sucking off my brother on my porch. With sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 156

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 174

You deserved it 1 638

Today, I’m unemployed with no children and hardly any social life, so you’d think my life was a constant, boring holiday, when in fact I'm so busy every day that I think I might have to designate myself a “day off” just to recover from the stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 362

Today, I found out that my ex (he's 35) tried soliciting sex from one of my friend's daughters (she's 22) and a few other friends as well. To make it all worse, I just found out this fuckboy has herpes, and contracted it while cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 127