Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

by sel2207 / 01/05/2009 at 10:27pm / Miscellaneous

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

by LadyJane / 01/04/2009 at 5:15am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

by noname / 01/04/2009 at 12:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

by sm@rtie / 01/03/2009 at 3:38am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother bought me some "biodegradable" tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

by Nick Nameous / 01/01/2009 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

by blck / 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous