Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21278) - you deserved it (90686)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

#397272
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78549) - you deserved it (5370)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by paymeinhugs - United States (New York)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36304) - you deserved it (81207)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

#385817
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107058) - you deserved it (40650)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by badbirthday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14747) - you deserved it (91971)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

#379796
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50145) - you deserved it (30718)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by SmoothTalker (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

#379533
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32468) - you deserved it (151070)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

#377584
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (176657)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:02pm - misc - by natty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

#374506
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (60759)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:55am - misc - by WhatdyaDo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

#370215
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44204) - you deserved it (30493)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by textraped (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

#369529
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73787) - you deserved it (13086)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

#366764
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (368766) - you deserved it (70011)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

#365324
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176568) - you deserved it (20181)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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