Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML
Today, I noticed a random dark spot on my skin around my groin area. Fearing that it was possibly melanoma, even though I don't really go outside a lot, I made a mad dash to the doctor. Apparently it's just a fucked-up stretch mark, and is perfectly normal. Nice thing to have a panic attack over. Good job, brain. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
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Top comments
rememberPOGS 2
I wonder how many times you have slapped the shit out of yourself trying to get it off you lol...
Vacant 7
Haha, why is this in intimacy?
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Comments (62)
mcaisse77 17
You should probably get used to it, or you'll be freaked out forever...
LilyCow 5
Apparently birthmarks are good luck
deviable 9
Hey, it happens to the best of us. I drew an "X" on my hand as a reminder, but since I was tired I kept thinking it was a spider. I would jump out of my skin about once every hour, so my parents kept calling me "popcorn" and "spider hand".
amanda_d95 9
Once my hair brushed my shoulder and I freaked out because I thought it was a spider. You're not alone lol
DarksideDoll 31
56- Happens to me all the time. My ponytail is a troll.
Vacant 7
Haha, why is this in intimacy?
perdix 31
Some people have shoulder fetishes? Or a fetish about birthmarks or spiders? Or 23, it's a third of 69, don't ya know?
perdix 31
And, thank you, Didi, for noting that it was fixed, otherwise readers might think Vacant and me were idiots.
iamyummylicious 14
BkI still think that. :) JK But it was nifty how you pointed out that 23 is a third of 69.
RedPillSucks 33
For us shorter people -_-
xsilentxninjax 10
What's wrong with short people?
mwrc8man94 1
It's ok op, spiders are scary as a mothafucka
bmwguy01 8
not worth taken the chance! I hate spiders too!
Brannie 4
that must be one hairy birthmark
rememberPOGS 2
I wonder how many times you have slapped the shit out of yourself trying to get it off you lol...
Gothicbunnyx3 16
I can't even imagine that happening in public. :D
linkinpark98 24
*OP is out at a restaurant* Op: "Yes, I'll take the steak medium rare, please. And also, I'll have th- OH HOLY ****!" *flips table*
br0ccoli 15
You should check your privates for 'spiders' too. You never know where those critters might be. "is that one? Let me rub it out...oh spider you are so...feels so good when you scare me"
iiEnjoyTurtles 0
Da fuq?
MissMae93 23
Wow, that was so unnecessary and inappropriate. Take your little perverted mind elsewhere please.
knifeywifey 0
Extremely tasteless
blackheart24 10
Where the **** did that come from? Now we know who the troll whackin it in his moms basement is....
br0ccoli 15
Seriously? No one else saw wedding crashers??
perdix 31
You'd better hope that no spiders are reading this FML -- now they'll know exactly where to attack you undetected!
sougstad 7
You my friend, are a tart
karkid619 8
What is OP going to do when it's a real spider?
linkinpark98 24
Flip the **** out. :)
CSTDude77 7
Yeah so? You'll be fine. EVERYONE including me makes the world's dumbest mistake like that. Don't worry
ss_20_xx 14
Apparently 23 years aren't enough to get used to your birth mark.