Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML
Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML
Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML
Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML
Today, I found out my sex-ed teacher from high school was married and had her first child while she herself was still in high school. Looks like she didn't pay enough attention in sex-ed. FML
Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML
Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML
Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
If that were me in that situation, given the irony, I'd regret absolutely nothing.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Don't have sex. YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE!
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Comments (213)
wowlolreally 12
Lol irony!!!!!!!
ComTlancy 12
But oh so worth it.
DeviousAngel 13
And hypocrisy.
LouisianaBob 9
if she is married then this isn't hypocritical. Edit for a NVM. missed the "single" part.
ydi_4_suking 20
I believe she got pregnant on purpose to show all you the dangers of having sex. You should be grateful
cyK0tek 0
Hey guys. Looks like everyone's here! Before we take attendance, welcome to Nutrition&Fitness 101! I've been a registered "dietician" fo' 4 years! Blahblahblahh... **nom nom burger & large soda**
GovernorGeneral 8
I wonder why no one else burst out into laughter :/
Metzler31 17
I could ruin the joke and bring up the fact she could have been raped :/
madgrinchhatter 12
But that would be a shitty thing to do. It's a good thing you aren't like that
effedml 5
Artificial Insemination. All the older, single ladies are getting it these days. No sex necessary...
atamaga 0
Because that totally makes sense. That's too serious a thing to do just for a class.
DanielleinDC 34
Or the father of a student in her class. I think I would have laughed as well at some abstinence-only "instructor" becoming pregnant. Did you call her Bristol?
feitan98 13
Yeah like someone would wake up and think " you know what I'm going to get pregnant to show kids how it can ruin their lives" that makes real ******* sense. ( not bashing or anything) but the only kind of person that would do that has to be someone with a mental handicap.
bearsy 0
first yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dream gas finally come true ;)
Mirorbo 27
If that were me in that situation, given the irony, I'd regret absolutely nothing.
Almandine 7
Definitely worth it.
tygerarmy 35
I'd walk into detention laughing every single day, then continue to laugh the whole time I was there.
False_Stupidity 42
Me too!
Andr913 13
SO worth it, I made this a favorite. If you had been given a really severe punishment it might be an FYL, but detention? Not so bad. Good for you for appreciating irony and mocking abstinence.
PaigeyTaylor 2
I agree with 64 xD teacher are too harsh. "YOU LAUGHED! DETENTION!!" the irony in this fml is great :P
MrMyers777 0
The nerve of some people.
xLoLa_fml 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So what? She's an adult.
nofearjenshere 12
She is single though, so that kinda goes against the whole abstinence thing.
SesameSpeed 7
Abstinence is restraining from intercourse until you're married. From my knowledge any how. This teacher was a single abstinent promoter that got pregnant.
monagro 22
Abstinence means staying away from sex. Some people are abstinent even inside marriage. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abstinence
darnellq 13
She could have been raped.
1crabbygirl 10
Not just an adult, an adult HYPOCRITE, get it?
IDontKnow10101 14
that is a huge irony...although that is rude of you to laugh like that
l0v3p4in 7
It's rude of OP's teacher to get up in front of class to teach abstinence, when she could not even resist succumbing to the natural desires of the flesh (especially when the rate of teenage pregnancies is becoming unbearably hard on our cash-strapped, government welfare programs).
ProhibitionRose 14
What if she was raped? OP doesn't know the whole situation.
iFizzgig 11
^ Shut up.
R3TROxLOV3 32
Why should they 94? It's true, we don't know the entire situation at all. I had a friend who was pregnant by rape but people still made fun of her cause they thought she was just a ****. None of us knows all of what happened, so we can't really judge her accurately.
Iknoweverything 29
I highly doubt the teacher was raped, because it's unlikely that the school would announce her pregnancy if she was. While employers can be brutal, no one would subject someone who had been in a horrible situation to more humiliation. While it could be possible, it's highly unlikely.
thurjones 6
Wait, so if she's raped, decides to keep the baby, and, thus, leaves her job, then it's humiliating to say that she's pregnant? I mean, if she decided to keep the baby, then it's not a secret that she's pregnant. What would be humiliating is if the school told everyone that she was pregnant due to rape. Doesn't mean she was, but the announcement shouldn't make it seem "highly unlikely."
ohmandapants 17
They wouldn't need to announce the reason for her leaving and she wouldn't need to disclose it to them either. In this situation it really doesn't seem likely that she was raped.
atamaga 0
Why would she announce she's pregnant if it was by rape? She would likely be ashamed and not want to say anything relating to it.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Don't have sex. YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE!
GoW_Chick 15
And if you are a guy your penis will fall off, and your ancestors will cry while you die a slow agonizing death.. My ex's mom told him this back when I was in Catholic school, it was a funny, slightly disturbing thing to hear right after being caught making out as a teen.
LMA0 5
Lol you WILL get chlamydia and you WILL die!
DanniNell 13
Ok, everyone take a rubber.
The_Hitdude 12
Blastocysts are embryonic suicide bombers. They plant a bomb in the womb, then let it do its thing. They were never born to begin with, so they have nothing to lose, hence the "blast" in blastocyst. True story.
ladyLALAA 29
Don't do it in the missionary position. Don't do it standing up. Look, just don't do it alright!
DKjazz 20
Never do it in a boat. Never do it with a goat. Never do it Sam I Am Or you will get green eggs and ham!
murdersquirrel 15
With a side of blue waffle.
7SeasOfRhye 1
dont have sex, because you will get pregnant..and die. Dont have sex in the missionary, dont have sex standing up..just...dont do it. now everybody take some rubbers.
realportlandian 2
Mean girls!
SpicyDuck 22
I'm watching that rn!
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
Mean Girls!
theslyfox72 3
LOVE
j_cat187 20
#22 wait I can't read it. How is religion like a penis?
saxetsasnak 5
Gotta love the self-contradictors
justalilrandom2 4
I had the exact same thing at school, I loved it so much. There's being hypocritical and the there's this, this is amazing.
ImaginaryFoe 1
My sex ed teacher preached abstinence, too - because he had to. He was a health teacher forced to run the sex ed class. He didn't give a shit what we did but his job was to stand up there and extol the virtues of chastity. Stop holding a teacher's work persona against her. Sex ed teachers are usually little more than paid actors. The board gives them their lines and they recite them.
Jdog619 11
The damn hypocrite deserves the humiliation.