Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom hit me in the face after an argument she didn't win. According to her, Mexican and American are languages, and not dialects or nationalities. She even argued with my teachers, and threatened to remove me "from a school full of uneducated people" after they told her I was correct. FML
Today, my parents tried to apologize for wrongly grounding me. I told them to go fuck themselves, so now I'm re-grounded. FML
Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML
Today, my parents are upset that I never ask them for help with my homework and struggle with it myself. They won't accept the answer that whenever I do, they're always yelling at me and putting me down. Dad in particular can't get through one assignment without becoming a screaming tyrant about my handwriting. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
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Top comments
tingway 4
use google translate?
Llama_Face89 34
37- there's this exciting new thing called a "keyboard"! It actually let's you type words into the computer! Far fetched, I know but it's true!
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Comments (60)
tingway 4
use google translate?
hilary56 0
Yup, now where would we be without google?
alejandratx 8
Wise, very wise.
Horde 8
^- this, and quit whining on fml
zinoxity 23
Oh yes. Op will take their lists (which are written on paper) and magically use google in the physical world! Sounds legit.
JoyFoster 0
GIYF.
Llama_Face89 34
37- there's this exciting new thing called a "keyboard"! It actually let's you type words into the computer! Far fetched, I know but it's true!
NeatNit 33
Most languages don't use English charactes, and many use English characters with cancerous tumors which personally I have no idea how to type.
dre_bro11 12
4, idk. Google it.
Kiirst_mt1994 26
wow, are you dumb?...
stormchaser24 24
Sorry but how is OP going to type it in just guess what it says? Here put this in google translate ???? ??? See you can't tell. Spanish is easy but others are harder.
theghost1309 11
It's called a scanner people not that hard to find one and alot of household printers now have scanners built in.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Sorry "google translate" people, I agree with #66. @#39 There are languages that use other symbols than the english language, so #39, not all keyboards have the bloody language on it, so translating it is going to be a tough one..
lncrow 2
Dumbass, she just types what is on the paper to the computer. Idiot.
SeaMen 3
What does speaking English have to do with your ability to read different languages?
laurenlec 4
Ummm obviously google translate! Lol
khatyangelz 0
Google translate isnt that good. Just saying. A dictionary is better. :/
zinoxity 23
Why did you retards thumb down my comment? Good luck to Op trying to type in Korean characters for example. Man, you guys sure are ignorant.
CurlyChica808 4
#101 You make me want to shank a puppy. Honestly. You're just so annoying.
Stalkers 0
Well, use google translate on things that have English characters. If op's parents decide to write in Arabic then op should just ask them or take the grounding.
ZebcoGirl 0
90- stfu And for OP, just tell your parents to stop being so dumb and grow up.
LeFunnyJunk 2
Google translate recognizes things like n for ñ and stuff. Unless OP's parents write in Arabic or some shit, he/she should be fine. Most if not all European languages use more or less the same characters.
Cinn_fml 23
Doesn't Microsoft Office (and equivalents) have letters from multiple languages under their symbol function? Which should get the OP the Greek and Russian alphabets, and letters with accents. There's also some Arabic symbols on there, but I don't know how accurate they are or anything as I don't know Arabic. So the OP could try copying and pasting, don't know how well it would work, and I don't know about any Chinese or Japanese symbols, but it's just a thought. Though it would probably be better in the long run for the OP to confront their parents in a relatively sensible way about it. Otherwise this might just get worse.
Skyrim123 3
This was the first thing that I thought
AssassinBug 15
There are enough languages with Latin alphabets. Other languages, you can look up a picture on Images for their alphabets, type in equivalent words in Latin characters (example, agape), and then Google Translate will say "Did You Mean: (αγαπη)". Like a charm.
Linebacker74 8
Maybe not on a computer, but on my phone there's an option to change the keyboard to a bunch of other languages
moonlight970 0
Time to learn a new language
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It's a shame to know only one language. Most people in Europe know more than one, often going up to 4. 4 languages is even the norm at some schools here.
KK3137 31
Yeah, I live in the Czech Republic, am 15 and speak 5 languages
hilary56 0
Calm down, no need to make people knowing only one laguage feel like shit.
facilitator 0
It is good to be multi-lingual, but in Europe the countries are so small that it would almost be a necesity to learn their language. In the USA almost everyone speaks english so there is not much need to learn a new language
Marcella1016 32
Plus the American education system is crap. I took Spanish for over 10 years (induing college) and can barely speak it. And that's a very common story for most people I've ever met (in the US)
Marcella1016 32
*including Autocorrect: Creating unnecessary typos for the pleasure of Grammar Nazis since 2005z
Marcella1016 32
Ok that last one was a good old fashioned typo. I quit.
jizzwold 21
67 perhaps you and your friends are just stupid.
theghost1309 11
Ya no offense 67 but over ten years and you couldn't learn one language? That doesn't seem very realistic and one instance doesn't prove that the whole educational system in America is screwed up. And in this instance is say it was you who has the learning disability, again no offense meant.
RedPillSucks 33
The problem is that most people don't get taught using immersion (not water boarding), so they end up talking to other kids who are learning the language instead of native speakers. When I was talking spanish, our teacher would only teach Castillian(?) Spanish, while the neighborhood had Cubans and Puerto Ricans. Of course, the neighborhoods were isolated and didn't interact much.
ntherewas1 11
OP is Australian. Please note the little details before jumping to conclusions? Also I pressed YDI for this one because it seems to me that there's a discrepancy between the OP's lack of interest in learning a new language, especially in am environment where both his parents seem to be language and foreign culture enthusiasts. That's just me though...it was probably unfair. It just seems like a bit of waste to me.
ironik69 31
How old are you that you still get a chore "list?"
itsame0987 18
3. My parents gave me a chore list every week until I moved out.. Fyl op.. But I agree with 1.. Google it
jizzwold 21
My advice: kill your parents and then take their place.
Lidiya8lml 0
Jizzwould u ******* make no sense **** off
thinmintgal 21
My parents are crazy
Annies 20
I’m 24 and I still get a chore list. My parents refuse to budge on that matter.
MrPedoBear_fml 4
I can teach you >__>
nellienicole 1
There's an app for that..
Beebow_fml 5
Too bad there's no "Remove Ridiculous Amounts of Photo Editing and Duckfaces" app.
RacerX1695 1
OMG 43, I shit my sisters pants lolling at your comment!
CryMoreFMLs 15
52, I'm not even going to ask why they were your sister's pants.
jizzwold 21
Well he's not going to shit in his own pants is he? That's just gross.
J1hill33 12
People like all of you are why the comments can be so much funnier than the FML.
monzach 5
That's not true, you also speak Australian!
ollie179 21
Not to mention american and Canadian!
unknownfork 12
Let's not forget New Zelander!
unknownfork 12
**** you ya thumbed down my comment for nothing. Stop trying to be cool little girls.
hwkfan1 10
Smooth. that will definitely stop us thumbing you down...
threer 30
You made a typo.
Salkadi 9
Your parents sound very immature and the complete opposite of "cultured"
Timmeeh 17
translate.google.com Problem solved.
PurpleChica9 0
Speak to them in a foreign language. :D Maybe then they'll widen their minds and stop giving you foreign chore lists x]
Chad_the_Brony 0
You missed the bit where they said they could only speak English, right?
VeganVampyre 27
It's not that difficult to learn one or two phrases in another language... That's all she needs.
baby610 4
OP did mention that they only speak English...
mrahhhhh 21
PHASE 1: Say, "the winner is the one that writes in a language so obscure I can't translate it and do my chores." PHASE 2: Behind their back, go to a linguist expert and find what language they're in, and translate them. Or talk to as many people as you can so they can translate it. PHASE 3: Do all your chores perfectly for a few days. If you don't have access to perfect translation, screw up the amount of chores equally. I'l leave you to figure out how to do this. It ain't hard. PHASE 4: After those few days, go to one of your parents. Offer to pretend not to understand anything they wrote, thereby proving them the cultured one, for 20 dollars and mitigation of all punishment resulted. After a few hours, go to the other parent. Say the same thing. Pocket the cash. PHASE 5:The next day, screw up all your chores but one for each parent. Flip a coin. Heads for mom, tails for dad. This decides whose chore you screw up, therefore making them win, and simultaneously leaving you with no guilt. Announce the parent that "won". OUTCOMES: 1: Losing parent calls you a traitor in front of the other. Now you explain why they called you a traitor, and tell the snitch parent: "Look at you. Paying 20 dollars over a silly argument that you used me as a guinea pig for. It's a good thing you lost, maybe you learned something." Walk away as you wink at the other parent, implying "If you so much as threaten to ground me, I'll spoil this victory for you." You pocket 40 bucks, or 20 if the snitch keeps complaining. 2. Losing parent calls you a traitor in private. Say, "You let me keep the cash, or I'll tell mom/dad that you tried to cheat. You deserve this for using me as a pawn in your stupid argument." You pocket 40 bucks. 3. No one says anything to you. Pocket 40 bucks. If the losing parent complains, refer to outcome 2.
sexxxysydney 14
This was soo long, I gave up on reading it.
satph 12
24- i did the exact same!
MicMic_fml 7
14 - You're supposed to do a witty comment, not write a book.
BadAsCactus 7
Everyone stop hating this guys a boss
CryMoreFMLs 15
The one intelligent comment that's longer then a witty remark, and everybody hops of his dick and tells him it's too long. What has this world come to?
THE_A_TEEN 28
The result of lazy ***** who don't like to read long comments because they think its to dumb to read, thats what happened...
Cinn_fml 23
...Seriously? There's a ******* rule on how long a comment has to be? Jeez, no wonder the internet gets a bad rap for lowering people's attention spans. However, on a more serious note, if you don't have the intelligence/patience/attention span/whatever to read a long comment, just move on to one that's more on your level (be it mind set/intelligence/humour etc).
Marcella1016 32
Regardless of the length of the comment, I think at most 2 Phases would've been enough. Phase 1: Say, "The winner is the one that writes me chores in a language so obscure I can't translate it and do my chores." Phase 2: Find a way to translate at least one and declare the other the winner. Or just tell them you're defeated and they both one. 14's convoluted plan was worthy of a Disney movie. I'm curious though, OP, how many languages do your parents know?!
RedPillSucks 33
You guys are gonna get it now. I've never seen Cinn curse!
Braginskyyy 6
Sounds like you've really thought about this...
marit1997 4
he never said anything about twenty dollars
jmar411 12
Evil genius? I think so...
threer 30
**** no. I loved every second of that winsome comment. Keep it longggg!
kittykat1501 31
Omg I was flipping this comment to like it and was surprised how far up I had to go to do so
Annies 20
Yeah, I would’ve been grounded during phase 1...