Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

Freaked out

Today, after going on a fly-killing spree all around my house, I had the most ridiculous nightmare where I was terrorized by a fly that looked like it was having a seizure whenever it was flying. When it landed on my arm, I woke up and felt a strange sensation on my arm. Great, I didn't want to sleep anyway. FML

Today, while I was in the shower, I noticed a short, black hair on my loofah. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

Welcome!

Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML