Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Awkwaaaaard
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
He's a keeper
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML
Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Never again
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Top comments
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
Welshite 39
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
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Comments (111)
martialart1st18 19
That's lame he need to learn how to talk to women
ironichalibut 24
Probability states that eventually this will work. If men and women are equal (they are), then if used enough, eventually this line will be used on someone who for some reason, finds it as charming or humorous, as the guy does. It's not an efficient strategy, but it's a strategy for some.
JMichael 25
And not expect anything just because they've been dating 2 days.
martialart1st18 19
You put way too much thought into that
glabberfasted 16
It doesn't take much thought at all, really. With all the people in the world, probability makes nearly anything possible.
martialart1st18 19
This is true
ironichalibut 24
A fun effect of probability, theoretically, if your particles are vibrating at the right frequency, with the right orientation to an object with the right density, you'll be able to either push your hand through the physically solid object, or merge your molecules with its. The probability of it happening would be an extraordinary number, but that doesn't change the fact there's an astronomically small chance that someday, somewhere, someone will phase through a solid object. So start walking into walls now, it could be you!
RedPillSucks 31
That probability also requires one to try that line on all the women of the world.
alphabetta 23
Um, no... just all the women he can find until that works :p Unless you were attempting to make a joke on the fact that no one in their right mind would find that line humorous or charming or whatnot. If that's the case, ignore what I said above :)
vb68_fml 28
He needs to learn how to think!
piggybits 14
But with which head? :o
parism143 28
I think I'd be one of the women this'd work on quite honestly, depending on the level of attraction I'd have for him which would be pretty high as hypothetically we'd already have gone on a few dates.
Helpfulman 17
I'm still wondering how her life is ******?
Ki11erC 18
84: Sooo, when's out first date.
addioty 19
If the guy was attractive enough and I found him funny, knowing me I'd probably laugh and do it.
bdun4 18
Geez, good thing you won't take that test
elibel 16
Why would he want to waste any time?
silvercamaro 22
Well, some people like to actually be in love or even married with a person before they decide to do sexual activities with them.
doubleddun 9
Or some people like to not be asked super creepy questions even if they were keen before that, definite turn off.
Welshite 39
Guy: "I'm a gigantic dirtbag." OP: "True." Some oral exams aren't that difficult after all.
Kira1965 23
#4, you made me laugh out loud. Good one. OP- better luck next time.
greeneyebeauty9 28
Well, at least you found out how much of a creep he is now rather than later!
ChenEighty 20
Not really a creep, probably just someone who objectifies women...
greeneyebeauty9 28
In my opinion, that's pretty creepy. Hence why I called him a creep.
YellowKettleBell 31
I think most people would call such a man a creep.
Sraf 4
#9 - That often goes well together...
YellowKettleBell 31
What a loser.
chutney_02 22
#6 Well obviously because he just lost OP
l0lmadis0n 12
Obviously needs new pick up lines. I'd leave right away if a guy told me that
extrasnipes 22
he should have used this one "Hey baby I heard you're looking for a STUD, I have the STD all i need is U."
Lastwhiteknight 11
He should have used; 'Spell me' OP 'erm ok M..e' 'you forgot the D' OP 'there isn't a D in Me' 'not yet...'
braidedsilver 8
I always liked this classic line: Guy: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
extrasnipes 22
This one is pretty crappy but... "My love for you is just like diarrhea: I can't hold it in."
MakeTodayADTR 20
Yeah, nobody likes the dentist. ;)
persianninja 23
i wish more guys would try to treat women with a little more respect
juan3611 14
A girl I like was doing a lab with me then a guy just saying she was a hoe... And then she lost interest in me and started talking to him
juan3611 14
Just started saying *
auro7 18
Plot twist: he meant a checkup at the dentist.