Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML
Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML
Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Please do not let her breed offspring!!!!
cgguardian 17
Yeah, Hitler DEFINITELY killed Jesus...after all, he WAS Jewish...
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Comments (188)
ICastillo 25
Please do not let her breed offspring!!!!
lilhellian 27
How will she breed if she doesn't even do bj's..
gracehi 33
So OP should forcibly sterilize his girlfriend because she's stupid? Gee, that sounds strangely familiar...
ICastillo 25
#28 at least you admit it. I always thought you were smart...
gracehi 33
Hmmm, Icastillo. Maybe I'm just being stupid myself, but I'm wondering if you understood the historical reference I made, or if you are being very subtly sarcastic.
ICastillo 25
Ohh sorry I didn't understand your reference. I thought you were just talking bad about yourself. I was just trying to pick you up, you know?
gracehi 33
Aw, well that's sweet of you. Thanks, Icastillo. I feel better already.
ICastillo 25
Yup no prob, I'm glad I can help. I better leave now before people start to think I'm nice.
gracehi 33
Well we certainly wouldn't want that! :O
ICastillo 25
Lilhellian umm you don't have kids by giving bjs....you better tell your sex Ed teacher that he/she is very stupid.
Meshidaru_fml 7
Stupid bitch.
MikeonFML 17
He's assuming that if she won't give ******** she probably won't leapfrog and go straight to sex
tolraisgrey 13
what else would she breed?
GingerNinja7 17
Maybe she's right, and the world as we know it is all a lie...
erockinthesuburb 17
Now begins the ultimate question... Who would win in a fight. Jesus vs Hitler?
klutz44 28
Jesus, duh.
Bluekaren16 19
Hitler already lost.
Bluekaren16 19
Although it would be an interesting battle in the youtube channel Rap Battles of History.
gracehi 33
14, Don't mistake Jesus for a wuss. He's been known to flip over tables.
nigsuzzi 3
Well you can't prove hitler didnt kill Jesus.
Hummbinger 5
#79. You can't prove that I can't fly, but we all know I'm full of shit when I claim I can.
dmoran20 27
According to googlefight Jesus wins with an overwhelming victory but then loses to Obama... It's a cruel world!
darlinjai 18
Break up with her...considering she is...lets go with ignorant that sounds nice...but seriously...How stupid is she?
boarderlyne17 8
What is with... all of your... ellipses...?
ICastillo 25
Well I guess...it's the new way...to write a comment...and be cool...around here.
PenguinBitch 44
When you guys......talk like this.....I imagine....someone....talking..... while enjoying themselves in one of those spinning rides at the fair.
Shilokitten666 19
#3 just because shes dumb doesnt mean she needs to be alone, it just means she needs a bible and a history book thrown at her, why is it that almost every relationship fml ends with at least one dumbass commenting "break their heart" this is a cruel thing to say or do to someone no matter their IQ
teareb 9
How does throwing books at people make them smart?
misspennycakes 7
So because someone isn't an Einstein she should never be able to have a partner? Maybe your boyfriend should leave you for being such a shallow bitch?
deloria_fml 22
Many serious relationships rely on there being an intellectual connection in addition to emotional and physical ones. Since OP is appalled, presumably he thought/expected there was one and maybe he is only looking for a serious relationship right now. And sometimes - just sometimes - people do look for more intelligent partners with whom to have children.
CharresBarkrey 16
70 - Wanting to be with someone who is intelligent is the exact opposite of being shallow...
lostmongoose 23
@58 Doesn't mean it isn't a valid comment, besides the whole intellectual argument above. In so many of these fml length of relationship isn't stated. If they have only been dating for a month then I would hardly say hearts would be broken.
stargirl_95 24
#70 - There is a huge difference between being Einstein and knowing that Jesus was not killed by Hitler. You don't need to be a genius to know the latter. You just have to not be a complete moron.
vocaloidtiger 12
58 does make a valid point though; unintelligent people need love too. c:
SilverWings312 10
134 Oh,I can see how she would have come to that conclusion. Although it doesn't take all that much intelligence to know, if nothing else, that there's a huge time difference between them.
James64138 26
You mean... That's not what really happened?
wlddog 14
Ok... Now I am confused. I thought I was the center of the universe and everything that happened before I was born was all smashed together. Then I was born, and things finally became important. Now based on that line of thought, Hitler and Jesus did actually fight it out, but the cowboys and the indians kept getting in the way. This wouldn't have been a problem, except the dinosaurs figured out how to make cars, and the car smog killed them. Once the Roman empire knocked the cave men out of the ice-age, things did calm down enough to invent electricity. That is when i parents met and decided to give birth to the center of the universe. Study up boys and girls, there is a teat next week.
Kkkdawg 27
Will the teat be hard?
wlddog 14
I just hope it not a spelling teat... Er, test*.
chelsearenaeee 16
Break it off. Asap.
Shilokitten666 19
With that logic, i hope someone breaks your heart because thats a stupid suggestion, its not your relationship, in this case he needs to sit her down and do what the education system failed to do, teach her history
docscientist 10
If she thinks Jesus and Hitler were together with the apparent conviction she has, don't you think her situation is hopeless?
etchsanity1 11
No she must be dumped ... And fully it would be shallow to keep such an epic moron just sex ...
chelsearenaeee 16
She needs some major education and I do feel bad for her, but my point is if you're posting about her on fml and obviously can't stand her, break it off. And no thanks #59, I'm in a very happy, healthy relationship but thank you for your nasty remarks
keatongunner 5
Not only does she not know anything she does not give BJ's!
cuponoodles34 10
kill her now.
ICastillo 25
Oh damn. Well that escalated quickly.
somecoolperson1 2
This should become the new "dump her"
Sandman366 6
No, let's see how far she can get being that incomparably ignorant. (Though being shot isn't out of the question.)
newburton13 26
Do not have children with her. The world can't afford anymore dumbassery.
cgguardian 17
Yeah, Hitler DEFINITELY killed Jesus...after all, he WAS Jewish...
yoursucklives 36
but jesus was killed by jews!
Shadow_Phantom 26
*facepalm* No, 8. He wasn't.
dav3800 7
#103; he was until he was baptized. there was no other religion. ignorance at its finest.
liv_graham 7
#109 actually there was Hinduism. Both Judaism and Hinduism are the first know religious, but no one exactly knows which one came first.
speshlk37 13
He DID kill Kill him, after Jesus was betrayed by Indiana Jones.
KBurns207 17
Lol #103. Don't do a face palm and then follow it up with a sentence worthy of 10 consecutive face palms.
madisonnnnn13 11
She needs to read a Bible AND a textbook.
ALlamaOnFire 20
And Mein Kampf.
docscientist 10
Or just a textbook. She seems to have enough trouble determining reality without the confusion of mysticism.
mikenikes14 8
She'll probably need someone to read those to her. Does Mein Kampf come in audio book?
Laurenlou 24
86- Jesus was real person who walked on this earth. Whether someone wants to believe that Jesus is actually the son of God is their choice, but historically, the Bible is correct.
docscientist 10
You're right. So why need a bible when you'll clearly find out about Jesus in actual historical books... You can believe what you wish, but the bible is not historically accurate whether you believe it to be, or not.
Zomg_Okay 27
115 - Including the rising from the dead part? Well, damn. I should re-read The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z, I'll need a refreshed memory. Sarcasm aside, I'm happy to accept Jesus was a real person. But calling the Bible historically accurate is a real stretch.
dmoran20 27
Because it was written in a book proves he walked the earth? It was also written that there were WMD's in Iraq. We all know how that turned out...
sithlordnergal 5
#158 Actually there were...my dad got to find/dispose of a few of them himself...
rachilio 26
Don't let it reproduce.