Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML
Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML
Today, my daughter is so out of touch with anything not related to her phone and her social popularity that she doesn't know who Hitler was. I had to show her on YouTube, and while we aren't religious anymore, we are a Jewish family so this is an extra level of parental shame for me. FML
Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ICastillo 25
Please do not let her breed offspring!!!!
cgguardian 17
Yeah, Hitler DEFINITELY killed Jesus...after all, he WAS Jewish...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (188)
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
OP, your name is...interesting.
travtxson 5
The name is hilarious and totally unexpected. Two thumbs up.
Ragon206 5
Well Jesus was technically a Jew... So you have to give that at least!
eyesmile27 7
Maybe she was trying to impress you with her smarts and her mouth was probably open because you just foiled her plans?
Velesath 1
the entire movie is a historical innacuracy
X_Codes 11
I'm kinda of the opinion "OP deserves what he goes for even watching that atrocity," but his girlfriend is pretty damn stupid, too.
therealafroninga 10
Here come the atheists… Look, up till the 1800s "Scientists" and Doctors, didn't think the heart was very important, and, they thought they could bleed sickness out of people. In ancient Greece, the most advanced society of it's time, with their "Modern Science" they summarized illness into four humors, and lastly, alchemy. When the middle ages, again modern but now outdated science, allowed them to think that they could turn other metals into gold. A true science facepalm. So please don't tell me that "Modern science" proves or strongly supports evolution, or the Big Bang *THEORY*- as in the mist commonly adapted scientific belief we have because no evidence has proven it fact yet.
Serisent 26
Wait. Wait. You mean that the history books have had it all wrong? But... But I... Oh, what's that you say? What do you mean there isn't anything that says that in any history books? Huh. Who knew?
chelsearenaeee 16
I second this.
redreynard 14
She was looking at you that way because Hitler killing Jesus is somehow more plausible sounding than what actually happened. Also, that would be a way better flick.
Szaszaspasz 26
Maybe Jesus insulted Hitler's moustache.
noodleboix 10
I'm sorry but your girl is dumb as ****
Satoaoi 13
well damn she insane
panicsdisaster 17
Your girlfriend must be hot of saw saw past those brains.
panicsdisaster 17
"if you saw"
perdix 31
Since those two existed roughly 2000 years apart, your girlfriend apparently has no concept of time. This could come in handy. If you get caught sleeping with her friend, you can convince her you were doing this before she was born.
N3766 20
I've seen enough Jesus riding dinosaur because of internet. What concept of time? :/