Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said, "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green…" I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with, "…ya know, like a dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML
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Top comments
SexyHindu 2
What the hell does he put in his salad?
ShakeMeDown 12
Eyes.
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Comments (212)
SexyHindu 2
What the hell does he put in his salad?
ShakeMeDown 12
Eyes.
megan_lovee 0
burnt chicken??????
flockz 20
lettuce?
DrDilllonReese 12
I know thats not what happens when I eat lettuce. But that may be because I don't eat lettuce...
Snowstar 0
Hopefully OP's eye's aren't hazel?
Snowstar 0
Hopefully OP's eye's aren't hazel?
DanGleesak 11
Who eats salad?! I just pick the bacon bits out.
Snowstar 0
The ****? That was a period.
Daralea 21
Green eggs and ham
DrDilllonReese 12
Believe it or not, OP has purple eyes. Her boyfriend just has colon issues.
Marcella1016 32
12 - You made me literally laugh out loud, thanks :) And yeah OP's bf is pretty gross
mfjkr 10
You don't make friends with salad!!
Michael_Kelso 0
I guess I'll have to go eat a salad because I have no idea what color that could be.
changesinme 0
OP's eyes are the color of an ocean after a storm... Beautiful!
changesinme 0
OP's eyes are the color of an ocean after a storm... Beautiful!
changesinme 0
OP's eyes are the color of an ocean after a storm... Beautiful!
ShakeMeDown 12
53- No problamo.
brettlovesgirls 4
Penis
DarkMoon159 5
Stop stealing pictures from a legendary commenter. Be original please.
SirObvious 1
Shroooooooommmmmmmssssss (RAINBOW)
alexwarfield333 1
No the question is what doesn't he put in his salad?
zfrt 3
You've clearly never done shrooms, that is not at all what it's like.
hot00frb 4
Great ******* comment , you sir deserve a "I see what you did there"
mrosew442 10
purple food coloring. my brother drank a grape slushy once and it turned green. not something I wanna see again.
ironwords 8
Meth is a hell of a drug
EvilPotato 15
I'm genuinely surprised nobody has said "that's a shitty situation".
cezrez 5
That's a shitty situation.
Angelastic_fml 18
Come on now, #12. He's not unreasonable…
Matty1188 6
131 - Why were you looking at your brother's poop?
NPN_Scorpio 16
I think what he really means is "when I toss someones salad".
mrosew442 10
172- long story I have not the time nor the stomach to tell
cpenzi798 2
Really?
Crystal55621 19
Oh my god! The first comment I see, and you made me die laughing!!!
Lanceeden 12
How romantic...!
SexyHindu 2
*Cricket*
beckybecks20 8
Does that say Cheesy Poofs?
Lanceeden 12
87- yes c:
mrosew442 10
87- that's what my sister calls them, even though I have never heard of that brand, only cheese puffs
khaytah 0
lmao random ass fml
TheWindowLicker 13
Well...that's just disgusting...and random...make up something just as gross for him :D
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
You're so full of shit your eyes are brown
TwitchingNebula 17
The schnauzberries taste like schnauzberries!!
BlacOpsMaximus 5
Haha! Right,, Like have her say: "Your penis is shaped like my *****; the only difference would be that my ***** are longer!" ;D
KoolKidFly 0
WindowLicker, The caption for your photo reads: Firefox has encountered a problem with windows.
mandypandypants 4
#163-Lmao that comment just made my day
MyLifeIsAverageS 5
Awww.. Im sorry
instnt1nfction 17
Apology accepted
NomOnShroomz 14
Speak for yourself bro, I'm still pissed.
MyLifeIsAverageS 5
I wasnt apologizing to anyone but the OP
ItsaMeLuigi 6
So you have a nice greeny/ brown eyes? Good to know.
awagh666 14
Oh crap.....!!!!! Sorry couldn't resist that one
Garytt 0
There's also the possibility his shit is blue
koolkat27 13
greeny brown eyes are also known as hazel eyes for future reference.
FarSide 23
Not unless he pours bleu-cheese dressing over the salad.
torio123 27
I can honestly say I don't think I've ever shat green brown Dx
brendonuriepatd 8
Awww you sound like you have a lovely boyfriend it was meant to be
Random_Person88 8
Isn't that just wonderful. You eyes are being compared to shit. What a wonderful boyfriend you have.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Your eyes are as brown as....yeah, there's really not anything else that fits there.
ThatLooksSticky 16
Your eyes are as brown as...chocolate?
LiveLaughFML 10
poop.
mrosew442 10
16- your eyes are as brown as the earth beneath my feet. I'm reminded if them every time i sip my morning coffee. rich chocolate cake in the bakers window does not begin to compare to those beautiful stars you call eyes. it's all in how you hold yourself
GabbyCharityM 0
How sweet.. Its the thought that counts..?
GabbyCharityM 0
Eh hem. There's this new fancy thing called SARCASM, which is obviously used here. You should try understanding it before thumbing a comment down. 'kay?
malfoyfreak 3
Haha, he's a keeper :)
DanGleesak 11
Most original comment ever.
allard 14
That's a Beary nice picture you have there.
mrosew442 10
108- don't you just love Harry Potter humor?
LakersFanatiC 3
108 i saw what you did bhere
allard 14
Ahh, nothing better in my opinion, Fellow Harry Potter fan.
TimysterGates 15
I'm not sure, but I'm guessing that your eyes are not blue.
lemon_phat 11
They're obviously purple! Read the other comments silly!
TimysterGates 15
#73 yea.. cause that comment was SO there at the time, damn.. purple..