Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said, "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green…" I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with, "…ya know, like a dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the picture of "him as a baby" is really his son. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML
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Top comments
SexyHindu 2
What the hell does he put in his salad?
ShakeMeDown 12
Eyes.
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Comments (212)
nicolehryn 3
Who would actually willingly say that?
Savra_fml 17
Tell him the only reason you remember he has a dick is because you have to put the toilet seat down every day.
jack_tells_truth 0
You're dating him, you deserve it. Hope ya like his form of compliments
THE_A_TEEN 28
Apperantly, your thick skull can't comprehend the behavior patterns of humans and their ability to act. Thank god for psychology.
jack_tells_truth 0
Apparently*
xicadelaspoesias 9
Savra...that's freaking epic. XD
Mourningstar 4
Guys only remember a girls eye color if he's "In love", apparently this one isn't......
Iffyy 6
But he does remember her eye color..
Savra_fml 17
OP, shit on his back and the tell him "careful buddy, i've got my eyes on you!"
ToeJams 0
You know what they say about people with brown eyes; there full of sh!t
FarSide 23
Nicely put Brown Eyes.
kiakia0131 23
How romantic of him to say that!
badactor009 0
He is immature. Thoughtless and not very kind as well. Just because you think up something does not mean you need to say it.
KiddNYC1O 22
"You didn't just save my life, brown eyes... You made my life worth saving..."
Savra_fml 17
"The doctor said if I don't take a dump soon, my constipation could kill me....so I ate the salad you made me....So now, every time I take a shit after eating one of your salads,...I,....I think of your eyes....." *snifs all teary eyed and slowly reaches over for paper*