Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML
Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
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Comments (251)
pepper477 6
daaanng, haha that sucks.
Iamnotmyself 17
Well, it seems your wife is sort of jumpy... I honestly think she herself if cheating, either way, 20$ she's blonde.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Freeze i haven't seen you for so long
Iamnotmyself 17
Although I feel bad for using a correct stereotype, 20$ she's blond.
ImAHomosexual 0
Hell, maybe your some nasty SOB and chest on your wife with your mom...
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
women, you just can't win with them.
KingGeorgeGal 12
Sorry but if your wife cant't trust or appreciate you I suggest seeing a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer -_-
an_villian 0
39 is completely right
DropDead77 11
Talk about trust issues.. You'd think you can tell if the earring belonged to an older woman
laueadavenn 0
op's wife sounds like a bitch lol
limegreenninja17 0
I agree with 39^^ Sorry dude. Maybe your mom will make you cookies?
a_nutritionist 10
or speaking to your wife first, get her to deal with her shit, then consider seeing someone. theres no need to divorce someone just because they accused you of cheating...
myxcure 2
39, how many times do YOU plan on being divorced? That should never be in the first 5 solutions. Relationships take work, OP may have given her reasons to be suspicious before this.
ChiFan96 3
Hope the sex is good, otherwise your wife is a mega bitch.
Jennyboo5797 4
Maybe the OP's wife thought he was cheating on her with an older woman >.> but yea I agree see a marriage counselor :|
JuliaSirckle 3
115, if the sex isn't good, how is the wife a bitch?
whatsittuya 2
Eh better to be an asshole than a cheater. Although the wife can calm down a bit. I would preferably chose none of the above.
tootsie5790 0
I Agree Wit 100. Marriage Takes Time
Sooper_Trooper 0
give her a reason to accuse you of cheating.
shannonreneee 11
I think the fact of the matter is you will never win with women. We always win. Always.
supermankisses 1
All the women on here that say the wife's a bitch, or OP needs to divorce her would be lying out their ass saying they wouldn't be suspicious. You find another woman's earring in your husbands car, he claims it's his mother's, and you're saying you'd be perfectly fine, no questions asked?? What if the mother wears in-style jewelry? What if it's unusual for the mom to be in the car? What if OP cheated before? Put yourself in the wife's shoes, yeah she may have went a little overboard, but she's a woman, and woman do that.
DeathMaple 3
Your wife needs to learn to admit she was wrong.
InsanePPG 25
#143, I get why she would be suspicious. What I don't get is why she would be mad at him for calling his mom to confirm that it was her earring.
theybebitchin 4
So what? Your saying its normal for her overreaction because shes a woman? You sexist bitch. His wife is a bitch for freaking out. Just because shes a woman doesent mean shes allowed to do that.
dolphincheddar 10
if other women agree that your wifes a bitch, she's probably a bitch. fyl
ahhhFYL 0
cant win against women with verbal arguments. And if it turns physical you go to jail. :/
b_rowe55 0
and ur wife is a crazy bitch lol no offense
a_nutritionist 10
@143 you need to try to understand that people are judging the WHOLE situation, not just the link between the earring and cheating...im guessing since 'women do that' youll follow this comment up with abuse because i disagreed with you, yeah?
FarSide 23
You couldn't find anyone else to cheat with except your mother? Wow, you ARE an asshole.
ImAHomosexual 0
Sorry about that comment and it's stupidity I was way to drunk. So I apologize. Sincerely.
fthku 13
#143, if you're married and you don't have trust between each other - just a random example, you find an earring in your husband's car, and even though he tells you who it belongs to, you are suspicious of him - you might want to consider your relationship. Considering the relationship doesn't mean getting a divorce, it means considering the relationship. What's wrong? is there a lack of trust between the husband and the wife? is it OP's fault or does she just not trust him for no reason? is there a reason, but it's an ex of hers and not OP? Realise what's wrong, and work on it. OP's wife was definitely in the wrong here, though. Also, don't use excuses like "hey women do that".
KingGeorgeGal 12
100, I clearly said a divorce lawyer OR a marriage counselor, if they aren't willing to seek help or talk, maybe it's better that they move on with their lives.
KingGeorgeGal 12
100, I clearly said a divorce lawyer OR a marriage counselor, if they aren't willing to seek help or talk, maybe it's better that they move on with their lives.
xoashdabashxo 4
Not all women are like that you stereotypical jack butts...
mooshibear140 4
OP's wife sounds like my mother when she was on menopause. o_0
Deeznutzhairy 7
I wonder what your moms earring was doing in the car? ;D
OWNZ 0
someones been naughty! ;)
WOTM 0
wow! ur dp scares me :P
mitchell137 0
Not trying to be mean... but is your profile picture photoshopped or edited in any way?
partyfool2011 4
I thought it was kinda hot. :D
Guitarist76 0
whats wrong with your face
FarSide 23
Damn boy. That's one fugly face. Although I guess its easy to eat corn through a picket fence. Face like that would make a freight train take a dirt road.
yummycupkake 0
I love how 136 says it nicely and 155 is out forward. Bahahaha 155's comment made me laugh :))
Beautiful22Mess 0
I thought that was pretty funny too
darkness4dummies 0
uh she shouldnt be its your moms earing so its her buisness too if the wife is gonna bitch out or thinks your being unfaithful
a_nutritionist 10
yes, thanks for recapping the point for the grammatically challenged.
cenax27 0
its called a back hand, should show the wife who's top dog
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
anorexicbarbie 8
Ok.
megaaann_fml 9
#59: That is NOT true. That's like saying every guy is a manslutty jerk. You know, you're not gonna score much if you think every woman is some jealous paranoid bitch. Honestly.
NikkiFlysKites 8
It just sounds like 59 is having problems with a female. The fact that he believes all woman are the same is probably why.
NikkiFlysKites 8
women*
Spokanelady 0
I wonder if she's upset in part because the OP tattled to his mommy right away. It might even look like he called his mom to get her to back up his story, whether true or not.
anon_e_m00se 8
He didn't "tattle to his mommy", he got the owner of the ear-ring to verify his story. Personally, I think the bitch is a manipulative ****, and the OP should divorce her.
supermankisses 1
140 - people like you are the reason why divorce is so high in America, one problem, and your marriage is over.
xxlauruh 0
140, do yourself and everyone of the opposite sex a favor and never get married. you'll spend thousands on all your future divorces.
elpacino32605 0
YeS!!! she is!!!!
nerdchic 5
140 - how does this situation make her manipulative? here's your answer - it doesn't.. she probably shouldn't have freaked but none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. he could be a womanizer.. you never know. and I agree with everyone else.. don't get married if you're just gonna think like that
Rynow 7
you boned your mum?
CrazzyBabby 0
really?what's wrong with u?
Xaviour 0
wow...I would have never thought of it like that.
WOTM 0
oh wow, how gross can u get, he probs drove her home at some point and it fell out, ur a disgusting little pig!
peachesbeach 0
well I found this funny :)
JesusFishTaco 5
Obviously he was joking. God, people these days.
DKjazz 20
Well, if you look at it from the wife's perspective, the only way the statement "My husband is cheating on me with the owner of this earring" and "The owner of this earring is his mother" can be true at the same time is if the statement "My husband is cheating on me with his mother". Or, in layman's terms "he boned his mom".
CaptainDouche 0
God, people these days. Nobody can take a joke.
block1 2
What a *****.
RdRadkie 2
she's not being really fair lol
HippoCampus 7
Bitches be crazy.
cenax27 0
aw hell ye girl
nfc14 2
Women, they're not like us humans..
iAmScrubs 19
And when you make her a nice dinner, she'll place her own hair on the plate and claim it is the hair of another woman. I'm sorry OP, but it sounds like you are the horse and your wife is the carriage driver. Whipped.