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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found a crying little kid alone in a park. I walked around with him for a bit to try to find his parents. When I found his dad, all he did was take the kid and menacingly leer at me until I left. FML

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

#21483180
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26401) - you deserved it (1870)

On 10/22/2015 at 9:27pm - kids - by Thanks a lot (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML

#21483019
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19836) - you deserved it (2813)

On 10/22/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

#21482755
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25871) - you deserved it (3696)

On 10/21/2015 at 8:57pm - kids - by thanks sis - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

#21481731
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (2842)

On 10/19/2015 at 6:15am - kids - by NotThePotty - United States (California)

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

#21481410
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25180) - you deserved it (5213)

On 10/18/2015 at 10:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

#21481024
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23565) - you deserved it (4033)

On 10/17/2015 at 7:41am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the father of my unborn child got laid off. Without a work visa, he may have to leave the country before this baby even arrives. FML

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

#21479950
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/14/2015 at 10:29am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

#21479934
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29221) - you deserved it (1684)

On 10/14/2015 at 9:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

#21479171
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22753) - you deserved it (2890)

On 10/12/2015 at 5:35pm - kids - by why do eggs explode - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML

#21479165
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22937) - you deserved it (2802)

On 10/12/2015 at 5:28pm - kids - by lemonchips - Norway

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

#21478752
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21630) - you deserved it (2578)

On 10/11/2015 at 8:54pm - kids - by Some Guy - United States (Texas)



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