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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (2637)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36438) - you deserved it (2362)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

#21341221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30382) - you deserved it (4257)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by frozenpoo - United States

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (6423)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

#21338906
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27753) - you deserved it (5904)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27579) - you deserved it (3144)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

#21335310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (3040)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

#21334989
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31946) - you deserved it (2400)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:03am - kids - by StabStab (man) - Belgium

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29053) - you deserved it (2448)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

#21331580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (5116)

On 01/05/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by i_am_forever - United States (California)

Today, I went to gather the laundry out of the dryer. My daughter had seen my wife put bleach in the washer, so she decided that honey in the dryer would make the clothes smell sweet. She wasn't wrong, but now I have a giant ball of sticky socks and underwear. FML

#21331413
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25607) - you deserved it (2221)

On 01/05/2015 at 4:26pm - kids - by Synonymous_Rex - United States (California)

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

#21331295
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30765) - you deserved it (6385)

On 01/05/2015 at 12:58pm - kids - by midwify (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)



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