Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Great expectations
Today, my dad and his buddies were hanging out. One of them said to my dad, "Hey! I've heard your son wants to be a doctor! He he he! You better start saving up!" My dad then triumphantly responded, "PAH!!! No problem there. He's an idiot! He probably won't make it to premed!" And yes, he was sober. FML
What the…?
Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
This is fine
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Nice meeting you…
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
Top comments
Rallred32 20
Your father has a sick sense of humor, OP.
m22100 14
That's not something to " kid " about.
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Comments (108)
greeneyebeauty9 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm sorry, OP. That's horrible. That's not even funny for him to say something like that. It's rather sick actually.
GraceyBlueEyes 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Who cares! Why should it matter?! Accident or not I'm sure his father loves him, no need to cry over it. I've known I was an accident for years and it doesn't matter because my parents love me.
Ambrily 27
Well, maybe your parents never told you that you're alive just because they couldn't afford an abortion... That's a very strange (and mean) way to love someone, according to me, even if it was just a joke.
yahoowizard 16
30 I never understood it either. It's not like the parents are able to see, for example, OP, and then decide to abort him. As long as they took care of him and loved him afterwards, it shouldn't matter at all. They might have not been ready for a kid at the time, but I don't see how it translates to not loving OP. If I was OP I'd just be happy to be alive.
lisslyi 19
Looking at it from a different angle.. He must really love OP. If he truly didn't care he wouldn't make such a joke. This sounds like something my dad might say, and I dare say he gets me more than anyone else does.
arandomusernameaa 20
is it bad that I find it funny...
GraceyBlueEyes 13
thank you 34. And to 32 it's exactly like like 34 said. They may not have been ready for or wanted a baby at first but they would have still loved him. I don't know why it's so horrible. Even if I was told I was almost aborted I wouldn't care because my parents are awesome and raised me well. OPs dad sounds like he has a similar sense of humor to my dad. OP sounds like an over emotional child who needs to learn to understand jokes/how the world is sometimes.
invadermaythe1st 35
It is possible that op can take a joke, just not this one, so don't assume that he needs to learn how to take a joke.
smackaroonial 20
If OP is out drinking, then they're probably 21, which should mean that they can take a joke by now.
yahoowizard 16
Yeah I don't think it was a joke when I read it. I felt like the dad let it slip out when he was drunk then added the jk as he realized OPs reaction and what he said.
airhead2015 18
According to OP, his dad was acting. Also, I'm sure the dad knew he could handle the joke. They've been living together for 18 years (18 is the legal drinking age in Australia), a father gets to know their children by the time they're 18... If the father jokes around a lot, he would especially know what his limits are.
Goblin182 26
If it is, I'm bad too.
HowAreYouToday 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
tell your father that hes actually adopted. thatll mess with him.
Rallred32 20
What if OPs dad is adopted? Then what, tell him he's your father?
Koalax3 18
This doesn't make any sense... Why would he tell that to his father? Normally the father tells this to the son and if OP does manage to pull a stunt like that then that would just be him sinking to his fathers level
Rallred32 20
#14 either way I'm very confused and concerned.
Curlytwirly22 17
#2 is right you really should tell him that he's adopted make up an entire story about how you went to your grandma and she told you he's adopted that will make him freak
syki 22
I'm pretty sure if he has a 21-year-old son, he's old enough that finding out he's adopted won't screw with his head *too* much.
SmokinGuns 13
That wouldn't make sense. Instead say you were concieved when your mom was having an affair. Let's just hope he doesn't believe it too much.
airhead2015 18
#59, he's 18. Australia's drinking age is 18.
sugarhappens 10
#2, I'm sorry no one else seemed to find that funny - I thought it was hilarious. Everyone else: it's obviously a light joke to keep a happy mood going. #2 doesn't actually think it'll mess with his dad. Wtf.
Rallred32 20
Your father has a sick sense of humor, OP.
lexiieeex3 32
That's not something any person should tell their child, "drunk" or not, it's not funny. Your father should have been more responsible around you and had better control over his mouth knowing what he was going to say would be hurtful.
m22100 14
That's not something to " kid " about.
Sandsh8rk 36
Abysmal pun is abysmal.
False_Stupidity 41
Uncreative comment is uncreative.
iFurrhy 11
I don't understand on FML how whenever someone makes an actual humorous pun it gets hidden but shit like this is still in positive like range
dcam13 19
Hey, joke or not, you're alive. Be happy:)
Sniper_Chick4110 20
Here's a little song i wrote, might want to sing it note for note....
TPH1979 18
Don't worry, be happy.
KVKdragon 26
Don't you just love dads who use overly critical/demeaning jokes towards their children? -_-
babygurll19 10
I'm sorry OP, sounds like he doesn't need a lot to not know the difference between what's funny from what's not. Hopefully you'll handle your alcohol better than him. Drink responsibly! :)
Rallred32 20
No, drink away all your troubles, OP. Remember, alcohol solves everything, OP.
Meettitan 14
According to chemistry, alcohol is a solution!
max_1000000 11
Well if you're old enough to drink, hopefully you don't have to live with him anymore.. I feel ya
quazed4812 5
The Life lesson is to never go drinking with your if he is an a***ole
trellz17 19
This confirms the myth that parents do not know how to joke around.