Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I looked through my daughter’s search history. Did I find porn? No, worse. At the age of 17, she has been looking up the definitions of commonly used words such as ‘arbitrary,’ ‘pretentious,’ and ‘initiative.’ FML
Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML
Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML
Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML
Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML
Today, I was doing my nightly check of my daughter's phone since a recent stint in the psych hospital, and saw that she had fallen into a peaceful sleep to watching videos on a website dedicated to watching people die. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
She must really hate My Little Pony.
droidlover 14
Call the veterinarian ASAP!!
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Comments (106)
droidlover 14
Call the veterinarian ASAP!!
Evilpirate 10
Don't see how a veterinarian can help.
DistanceRunner94 9
It would beHOOVE you to get help from more than just a veterinarian.
Cadillac4427 8
lmao, I see what you did there, good job.
mallu86 9
Congratulations #69. You do have a 20/20 vision.
mealsonwheels 12
why would she want to blow up ******?
ptoka 20
Going to take a shot and say it's not "a ******", but instead "a house"...
184886837272837 32
An acceptable typo seeing that u and r are on opposite sides of the keyboard. Easy mistake to make if you're typing without looking.
ptoka 20
32, who are you correcting. Is it that #2 should have said "whoues"?? Even if OP meant "house" that doesn't explain the mishap above...
mallu86 9
Because they're filthy, carries diseases and take your money.
Ugi 27
Obviously she meant "a hearse". Death to all dead people!
mealsonwheels 12
It would appear that my joke was so funny that no one got it.
Applesarefum 9
it appears that your joke wasn't funny to begin with
BradTheBrony 19
It appears that they were being sarcastic and that most people on here bitch about when obvious sarcasm isn't understood.
girlbye23 15
Lucky she meant a horse and not your house!
Odis12 11
Well perhaps the "up" was a typo. Then that takes this Fml in a completely different direction, and it's probably safe to say that you still need to get her some help.
Welshite 40
She must really hate My Little Pony.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Clop clop clop.
perdix 31
Defs not a Pegasister. #YOLO
slooby_fml 25
Maybe she's related to Alan Strang
142_cats 13
Everypony! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That crazy bitch is trying to blow up Equestria.
142_cats 13
"YOLO is Carpe Diem for stupid people."
Lilxpie 18
Seems like the only thing that can save them is the friendship of magic.
CobraLazerFace 21
That or she really hates Jessica Parker...
djkazic 5
Alert the neigh-bors, they could be potential targets too
KingRay 3
Yes and don't forget to call the pigs if you catch her doing it.
ZomBgal 12
Personally, I wouldn't let her know you searched her browsing history. She might have a cow...
PePziNL 20
She's probably too chicken to do it anyways.
djkazic 5
She's got some beef with you for sure, OP.
clever_name_here 7
If this goes on much longer, it could get hawkward.
JosephMoore77 8
Hold your horses. I think it's best to talk to her about it first before we go any further
tiernang 21
#53 as long as no one brings up their ****, we should be fine.
TheAbstract 15
#7, you rang?
Soulsbane96_fml 11
Guys, stop joking around, this is steer-ious business. We don't want op to be a cattletale, but they can't ignore this.
142_cats 13
Guys, these jokes are way too Bahhhhhhhhh-d. We have to stop horsing around. To get straight to the point, these puns are udder-ly ridiculous.
BradTheBrony 19
These jokes are bad. ******'... moo or some shit. (nailed it)
red_headforlife 15
Yeah that's probably the best way to go!
mallu86 9
In what world?
golden_warrior 23
I thought bad behaviour was going to be mouthing off or using profanity. Calling this a bad behaviour is an understatement
sabrinalynn22 19
Well I'm sure that could be easily explained.
Mitchman7 8
well if she can't spell house correctly.I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about
zandalee 20
Yep that's it because the jails are full of literate people!
tukies 28
#12 well if that's the case, then I shall go rob a bank. When they try to arrest me I will tell they have nothing to worry about, because I'm dyslexic. I sometimes misspell my sdrow.
thatkid00117 16
Never look through someone's web history, you will never find anything good.