Sex and Intimacy: You've tried this before, right?

You've tried this before, right?

By xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 544

You deserved it 3 800

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Same thing different taste

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 977

You deserved it 5 502

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 664

You deserved it 15 183

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 538

You deserved it 4 560

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 328

Holes

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 5 418

By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 489

You deserved it 11 354

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 384

You deserved it 6 023

Not feeling it

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 827

You deserved it 1 357

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 912

You deserved it 10 182

By Evra - 16/04/2015 05:04 - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 247

You deserved it 6 118

xGet_Over_It 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 5:38

what the hell is this? 16 year olds talking about their "boyfriends" erected penis?

wags883 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:29

my boyfriend tries that too. by the time the tips in he's hard as a rock :)

Comments

nottoocool 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 1:59

haha, it is fun..I second 51.

Tonic_Chord 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:31

You have hands and a mouth. Use them.

Dx2 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 2:44

u deserved it! cnt get him up...sounds like a personal problem

Andyv_fml 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:38

it's your fault you can't get him up you fat ass beached whale

darkshadows_0801 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:45

I third 51!!

everyonesfucked 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:46

Number 57, you must not have turned him on good enough if he's your (ex)

alicia_was_here 3

Sunday 3 January 2010 21:28

actually the reason we broke up has nothing to do with sex

makii_fml 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 19:59

Every relationship is about sex

ambrz 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 3:51

i fourth 51!!

beastmode46 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 4:19

omg..that's embarrassing.

lostdestination 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 4:28

lmfao!!!

thexgames 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 4:33

lmfao!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 622

You deserved it 7 126

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 435

You deserved it 5 100

The Top

Today, after my housemate handed in his notice to vacate without telling me beforehand, I had few days whilst working to make a decision to stay or vacate. In a panic, I chose vacate. On my day off I sat down with my finances and discovered I can't afford elsewhere. I asked to stay, my landlord put up rent by 50%. I might now become homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 233

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 380

You deserved it 4 401

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 682

You deserved it 9 439

Today, we had a blindfold trust activity we had to do at university. While walking around with my hands up blindfolded, like the Walking Dead, I accidentally grabbed my young lecturer by both her breasts. We never spoke about it, just felt awkward around each other afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 144

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 159

You deserved it 6 669

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 6 835