Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML
Today, my dorm's fire alarm went off. In the rush to escape, I slipped and fell off my bunk bed, breaking my ankle in two places. Crying, I told my roommates I needed help to walk. They shrugged and left after mentioning that I would slow them down. FML
Today, I thought babysitting my nephew would be easy. WRONG. He put his wet teddy on the space heater to dry, and caused a fire. While I was putting the fire out, he decided to wash his burnt teddy in the sink, which blocked the plug and flooded my kitchen. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML
Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML
Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML
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Top comments
val_159 1
That kid's gonna grow up to be a fireman. I can tell.
TarieBoo 2
so they no longer teach stop drop & roll ehh?
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Comments (95)
Jasonf6 0
You got knocked over by an 8-year old. rofl :)
OfficeNinja 5
Smart kid! That is exactly what you do when there is a fire. Get the hell out as quickly as possible.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Well, at least he's honest :)
zumiez069 5
What kind of pussy falls on the floor in pain from an 8 year old
perdix 31
A well-placed nut-punch from a toddler could lay you out. The OP is female, so I don't know what could flatten her out. Perhaps someone could explain what a ****-punch feels like.
thunderfball33 2
this seriously just made my day! hahaha
Heather645 5
Lmao smart kid. (:
hamsmum 2
I laughed. DW, OP. I am sure if there was a real fire, you'd do the same. :-)
YeahCourse 4
Hahahaha!!!
skyeyez9 25
He's looking out for #1.
hateevryone 15
That's what he learned.