Miscellaneous: Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English...

By sockmonkey - United States - Corona

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

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Miscellaneous

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

Thievery

The asshats always win

By Jeri - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

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By I Know How to Pick'em - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML

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By nomorefreehugs - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

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26635

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By Potty-Pot

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

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6060

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By man down! man down... - Canada - Ottawa

Change it!

Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2014

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By ThatIsNotIt - 24/1/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Underperforming

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

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2134

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

She's right, you know

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

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By Ew. - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

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By fail - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

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45104

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By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

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By maarkblack - United States

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

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By I'm an asshole - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

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9193

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By Rebecca - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

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By SlickMcK - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

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34849

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

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18166

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By Devin - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

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By ofcourse - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

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By cowgirl - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

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By me. - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

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48413

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By checkup - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

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43106

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By Anonymous - United States - Horseheads

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02

Empathy Man

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

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29587

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

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31102

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2020 17:02 - Poland - Polska

At will

Today, I was fired for asking HR to move me to another department, due to my manager's unethical behaviour against me. The alternative was shut up and look for another job. Which I have to do now. FML

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1555

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

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47821

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Couldn't have been that great

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

344

You deserved it

917

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By Anonymous - Ghana

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

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45528

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By notyourparkingspot - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

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4264

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By Jeff

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks

657

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2775

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By not helping - 17/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Co-parenting

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

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Top comments

By Roxxxxay | 13

#4376730 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Well isn't it nice when parents act like immature teens. FYL OP!

By daisyismydog | 3

#4376734 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

You can just take a bunch of showers or buy your own deoderant. Problem diverted.

COMMENTS

By TarieBoo | 2

#4376728 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

buy dove perfume

happle | 21

#4376800 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:54

Dove is the shit. I barely need any to smell amazing.

sola123 | 0

#4376818 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:56

I used to sweat a lot until I took a dove to the armpit.

ClassyCommando | 13

#4376867 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:06

Real men heat a metal spoon red-hot over a fire and use it to fuse their underarms into one poreless, solid piece. Wait, actually real men just let themselves stink.

dreamcatcher11 | 4

#4376901 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:29

OP is a woman though..

RussianFox | 13

#4377405 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:22

35- The thought of that made me cringe.I guess I'm not a real man... Or cat for that matter.

jessicaazzzzzzzz | 3

#4377881 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:16

Or she could just buy dove deodorant, wipe it off before coming home if necessary.

aruam365 | 24

#4378008 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:47

She could be too young to drive, so it would be difficult to buy it on her own.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4378146 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 17:30

107 - Unless OP lives in the middle of nowhere, she could walk.

DAN7IEL | 2

#4379121 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 23:21

Or she could borrow some from a friend? She obviously goes to school do she would see them every day and could wipe it off before she got home?

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4380198 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 4:06

111- what, you think everyone lives within walking distance from everything? The nearest pharmacy to my house would take me 3 hours to walk there.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4381813 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 14:46

No, I don't think that, 157. Hence why I said "Unless OP lives in the middle of nowhere".

By Roxxxxay | 13

#4376730 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Well isn't it nice when parents act like immature teens. FYL OP!

courtz94 | 24

#4376821 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:56

Agreed!

KiRaKaT | 9

#4377650 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:03

Since they are acting so immature, rub your sweaty armpits in their faces OP! That will solve the problem of them taking your deodorant away and make them shut up

Drigr | 9

#4377711 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:25

I think it is the most creative punishment I've ever heard. Not only that, i bet it works better than the typical: no outside, no tv, no cell phone, no computer, no xbox.

cheaptrix | 6

#4379955 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 2:47

It's more of a punishment for anyone who has to interact with OP

ohSNAPyall | 26

#4386609 - Thursday 3 May 2012 14:34

153 the parents are taking one for the team.

mikepzz | 27

#6203242 - Sunday 15 February 2015 13:27

As punishment to the parents she should not shower for that week, and every day wipe their pillows into her arm pits lol

By Timbo05 | 4

#4376732 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Try studying

tbenson0628 | 14

#4377458 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:48

yup. i agree

thiscrazything | 1

#4377490 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:03

Yes, study, and then go buy some deodorant.

SkyBirdy | 5

#4379265 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 0:18

#3....how. Dare you??

max_wilder | 9

#4380226 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 4:15

No deodorant in your gym locker?

hayleyjames | 0

#4381846 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 15:04

Try getting parents that arent complete fuck heads, and study, English is easier than a lot of other subjects

By daisyismydog | 3

#4376734 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

You can just take a bunch of showers or buy your own deoderant. Problem diverted.

daisyismydog | 3

#4376764 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:46

*deodorant

daisyismydog | 3

#4376791 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:51

I corrected myself haha

esines | 9

#4377574 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:38

YourLocalPeado? That's a fucked up name

Alexisthebestest | 16

#4388953 - Friday 4 May 2012 2:35

They sell deodorant at the dollar tree...for a dollar.

By CheckItOutItsYou | 7

#4376736 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:43

Buy your own deodorant, screw that

By UsernameHere234 | 13

#4376737 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:43

let's all hope you don't live in like Cali or something. But if you have a shower in the morning use lots of soap and live in a not too hot place you should do fine

PamChopsWithMint | 5

#4376838 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:00

It rained all up and down "Cali" today.

SimplyAmazingx | 11

#4377351 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:01

It clearly says California at the top..

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4377558 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:32

"And live in a not too hot place"? Yeah, that's real simple. NOT!

michellenKG | 5

#4377829 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:57

i live in california and theres no rain.,,,

igive | 29

#4377920 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:25

i live in California and it rained.

LO388 | 7

#4379033 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 22:37

I don't live in california and it rained.

PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#4379050 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 22:51

6- It's amazing how much fail you could throw in one message. OP lives in Cali (clearly stated) and OP, unlike u I hope, is not an idiot to change locations for a freakin deodorant!