Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English...

By sockmonkey - 1/5/2012 02:21 - United States - Corona

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

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Miscellaneous

Abuse

Headache

Peaky Bladders

By transfer - 3/6/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 14:01

Stalker vibes

Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, like she has about several co-workers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML

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By coldwetnose - 9/5/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

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By PTKFML - 26/7/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

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By Drafty - 7/11/2012 21:30 - United States - Sylmar

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

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By faeliality - 18/4/2016 08:39 - United States

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

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By Username - 8/7/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

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By Savviecat97 - 25/7/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

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By AlreadyInDebt - 26/1/2011 08:52 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been paying student fees for the wrong account. Apparently I have been paying for some other student's tuition. FML

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By jackie89 - 10/8/2014 19:26 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

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By hahahehehohohoo - 7/2/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2015 02:48 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

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By a critically injured shitehawk - 25/4/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

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By Shelby - 14/8/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

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By Stella - 20/12/2009 03:30 - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 11:46 - Denmark

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

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By Nikki - 13/5/2015 00:33 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

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By dukemisery - 12/12/2016 09:33 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

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By Luna - 22/7/2012 02:30 - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 17:00

Baller

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By Yeahyeahyeah - 2/6/2016 02:11 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while at a family gathering, my teenage sister-in-law felt the need to loudly point out, several times, that her selfie got more 'likes' than my pregnancy announcement. FML

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By Unlucky. - 16/10/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 12/8/2017 11:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2013 09:17

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

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By yeasty - 6/7/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

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By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/5/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

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By fiercehawk - 18/2/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

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By Zebracat - 13/4/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to tell my boyfriend happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after it sent, I realized the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML

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By Stupid Drunk - 22/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

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By dentistvictim - 16/10/2009 07:27 - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 04:36 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

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By kmjlevesque - 3/6/2020 02:00

Bye bye clothes

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 08:55 - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

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By badhair - 13/9/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

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By 4evalone - 1/11/2014 05:59 - United States - Monterey

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

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By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

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By ninaaaa - 24/2/2014 00:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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Top comments

By Roxxxxay | 13

#4376730 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Well isn't it nice when parents act like immature teens. FYL OP!

By daisyismydog | 3

#4376734 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

You can just take a bunch of showers or buy your own deoderant. Problem diverted.

COMMENTS

By TarieBoo | 2

#4376728 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

buy dove perfume

happle | 21

#4376800 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:54

Dove is the shit. I barely need any to smell amazing.

sola123 | 0

#4376818 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:56

I used to sweat a lot until I took a dove to the armpit.

ClassyCommando | 13

#4376867 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:06

Real men heat a metal spoon red-hot over a fire and use it to fuse their underarms into one poreless, solid piece. Wait, actually real men just let themselves stink.

dreamcatcher11 | 4

#4376901 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:29

OP is a woman though..

RussianFox | 13

#4377405 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:22

35- The thought of that made me cringe.I guess I'm not a real man... Or cat for that matter.

jessicaazzzzzzzz | 3

#4377881 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:16

Or she could just buy dove deodorant, wipe it off before coming home if necessary.

aruam365 | 24

#4378008 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:47

She could be too young to drive, so it would be difficult to buy it on her own.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4378146 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 17:30

107 - Unless OP lives in the middle of nowhere, she could walk.

DAN7IEL | 2

#4379121 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 23:21

Or she could borrow some from a friend? She obviously goes to school do she would see them every day and could wipe it off before she got home?

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4380198 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 4:06

111- what, you think everyone lives within walking distance from everything? The nearest pharmacy to my house would take me 3 hours to walk there.

Zomg_Okay | 26

#4381813 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 14:46

No, I don't think that, 157. Hence why I said "Unless OP lives in the middle of nowhere".

By Roxxxxay | 13

#4376730 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Well isn't it nice when parents act like immature teens. FYL OP!

courtz94 | 24

#4376821 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:56

Agreed!

KiRaKaT | 9

#4377650 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:03

Since they are acting so immature, rub your sweaty armpits in their faces OP! That will solve the problem of them taking your deodorant away and make them shut up

Drigr | 8

#4377711 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:25

I think it is the most creative punishment I've ever heard. Not only that, i bet it works better than the typical: no outside, no tv, no cell phone, no computer, no xbox.

cheaptrix | 6

#4379955 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 2:47

It's more of a punishment for anyone who has to interact with OP

ohSNAPyall | 26

#4386609 - Thursday 3 May 2012 14:34

153 the parents are taking one for the team.

mikepzz | 27

#6203242 - Sunday 15 February 2015 13:27

As punishment to the parents she should not shower for that week, and every day wipe their pillows into her arm pits lol

By Timbo05 | 4

#4376732 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

Try studying

tbenson0628 | 14

#4377458 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:48

yup. i agree

thiscrazything | 1

#4377490 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:03

Yes, study, and then go buy some deodorant.

SkyBirdy | 5

#4379265 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 0:18

#3....how. Dare you??

max_wilder | 9

#4380226 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 4:15

No deodorant in your gym locker?

hayleyjames | 0

#4381846 - Wednesday 2 May 2012 15:04

Try getting parents that arent complete fuck heads, and study, English is easier than a lot of other subjects

By daisyismydog | 3

#4376734 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:42

You can just take a bunch of showers or buy your own deoderant. Problem diverted.

daisyismydog | 3

#4376764 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:46

*deodorant

daisyismydog | 3

#4376791 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:51

I corrected myself haha

esines | 9

#4377574 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:38

YourLocalPeado? That's a fucked up name

Alexisthebestest | 16

#4388953 - Friday 4 May 2012 2:35

They sell deodorant at the dollar tree...for a dollar.

By CheckItOutItsYou | 7

#4376736 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:43

Buy your own deodorant, screw that

By UsernameHere234 | 13

#4376737 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 8:43

let's all hope you don't live in like Cali or something. But if you have a shower in the morning use lots of soap and live in a not too hot place you should do fine

PamChopsWithMint | 5

#4376838 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:00

It rained all up and down "Cali" today.

SimplyAmazingx | 11

#4377351 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 13:01

It clearly says California at the top..

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4377558 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 14:32

"And live in a not too hot place"? Yeah, that's real simple. NOT!

michellenKG | 5

#4377829 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 15:57

i live in california and theres no rain.,,,

igive | 28

#4377920 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 16:25

i live in California and it rained.

LO388 | 7

#4379033 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 22:37

I don't live in california and it rained.

PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#4379050 - Tuesday 1 May 2012 22:51

6- It's amazing how much fail you could throw in one message. OP lives in Cali (clearly stated) and OP, unlike u I hope, is not an idiot to change locations for a freakin deodorant!