Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 370

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

You did ask…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 00:22 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 954

You deserved it 4 344

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 353

You deserved it 9 806

Teddy

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 08:01

Today, I thought babysitting my nephew would be easy. WRONG. He put his wet teddy on the space heater to dry, and caused a fire. While I was putting the fire out, he decided to wash his burnt teddy in the sink, which blocked the plug and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 247

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 274

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 625

You deserved it 3 062

By Crispy cripple - 05/09/2018 18:30

Today, my dorm's fire alarm went off. In the rush to escape, I slipped and fell off my bunk bed, breaking my ankle in two places. Crying, I told my roommates I needed help to walk. They shrugged and left after mentioning that I would slow them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 265

You deserved it 276

By kansasgirl - 02/03/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 759

You deserved it 4 379

By girl on fire - 03/09/2015 00:32

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 413

You deserved it 2 721

By minustoenail - 12/10/2012 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 519

You deserved it 2 001

By Marjorie - 13/07/2012 17:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 13 August 2019 18:07

Is his name George Constanza?

what 1

Tuesday 13 August 2019 18:25

It may not be the most chivalrous action… But effective!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 13 August 2019 18:07

Is his name George Constanza?

Memnoc 26

Tuesday 13 August 2019 19:08

Nice reference!

what 1

Tuesday 13 August 2019 18:25

It may not be the most chivalrous action… But effective!

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Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

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Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

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The Top

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

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Today, I have what is probably a cold sore on my upper lip. I also have a mustache, which keeps rubbing against it. Because of this, no matter what I do, it stings. The next few days are fixing to be very, very long and miserable. FML

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Today, my girlfriend keeps asking me to get her name tattooed on my chest. At first I thought she wanted a romantic gesture, but now she asks me to do it so often, it’s starting to feel more like she wants to cattle brand me as my owner. FML

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You deserved it 152

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 299

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Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

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