Love: Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting... - FML

By legallyblondemad - 29/08/2009 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 842

You deserved it 5 266

Walk the line

Not a great start

Faint praise

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 240

You deserved it 3 070

By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - 08/03/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 416

You deserved it 34 703

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 658

You deserved it 3 875

Mom knows shit

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law decided my husband has COVID-19, read some debunked articles about how ibuprofen makes the symptoms worse, and scolded me for giving him ibuprofen for his muscle pain. I'm an actual medical doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 107

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 63

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 23:01

Today, I was in a band with some friends and we got our first gig at a local festival, but I'd already agreed to work serving drinks at the festival. My bandmates got really annoyed and kicked me out of the band. They then went ahead and performed the song that I WROTE, without me, at the festival where i was working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 792

By Sub - 04/12/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 526

You deserved it 4 339

By auscop - 17/09/2009 10:57 - Australia

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 623

You deserved it 85 826

By anonymous - 19/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 163

You deserved it 15 402

By Henry - 06/02/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 8 936

Insurance is a racket

By Chriso - 17/11/2009 11:48 - Australia

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 338

You deserved it 3 936

By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 7 552

Bad hair day

By Hairdresser On Fire - 01/10/2019 18:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I mistook a little girl for a boy. Unfortunately, I only realised my mistake until after I'd cut her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 1 769

By Arlbethere - 25/02/2011 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 8 616

By IlikeGreenPlants - 26/11/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 883

You deserved it 54 581

By have it your way - 29/04/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 013

You deserved it 5 053

One man and his lawn

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 16:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my husband, who rarely helps with big projects around the house, offered to help me with our mess of a backyard. An hour and a half into the project, and an hour and a half after he disappeared from the backyard, I found him mowing and edging the front. Our front yard was immaculate and didn't need mowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 93

By pray for me - 15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 313

By Anonymous - 29/09/2013 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 321

You deserved it 2 864

By Unfortunately Me - 09/01/2014 00:54 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 12 042

By JMU - 06/07/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 300

You deserved it 4 531

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 7 006

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 406

You deserved it 39 402

By wtfrelationship - 21/10/2009 04:07 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 11 426

By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 317

You deserved it 7 040

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 21:10 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 4 405

Charming lady

By the diabetic necromancer - 15/03/2021 02:00

Today, I accidentally left the pantry open. My narcissistic mother’s response was to spit on me and tell me to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 58

You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 627

You deserved it 5 536

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 09:15 - Netherlands - Veldhoven

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 6 271

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 351

You deserved it 6 069

Net!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 2 808

By stickyandwet - 30/01/2017 23:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, 3 hours into a 7-hour flight, I only ate half the chocolate mousse that came with my meal and decided to give the rest to my boyfriend. While reaching for his tray, he mistook the action as me stealing his mousse. We spent the rest of the flight covered in sticky soft drink splatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 769

You deserved it 873

By friendlessatwork - 02/10/2012 18:27 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 652

You deserved it 3 689

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 051

You deserved it 2 726

By crap - 07/03/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 981

You deserved it 2 604

By "Levi2411" - 31/12/2018 04:00

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 305

By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 3 833

Yeet him into Bass Pro Shops

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend made me feel like shit because I didn’t feel like going fishing, and compared me to his "fake" friends, even though every day for the past two months, I’ve gone every time he’s asked. But anytime I suggest we do something different, he shuts it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 120

By hairless - 09/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 6 753

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 512

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Top comments

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:05

Haha that idiot. DUMP HIM!

noshitsherlock 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:06

wow... I hope after that you dump him! That's disrespect and embarrassing!

Comments

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:05

Haha that idiot. DUMP HIM!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:13

Umm I hope he is now your new EX-boyfriend.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 0:03

YDI for dating a deuche bag

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Sunday 30 August 2009 0:19

YDI for being ugly.

ilovekelseyhatch 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:15

Bro's before ho's

missmeliss0309 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 4:30

Chicks before dicks.

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Thursday 18 February 2010 10:42

I had the same problem. my mates pretended not to know me in front of deusche bag... shit.... Nathan... I actually DID forget then... the irony O.O

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Saturday 27 February 2010 6:46

hehe u said mates alot :)

bleedinginside 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:54

I thought they play futbol in uk cuz DUHhhhh futbol FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<

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Thursday 12 January 2012 2:35

Wow! Nice way to be mean! They are hurt and you decide to call them ugly?! Wow what a bitch you are!

noshitsherlock 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:06

wow... I hope after that you dump him! That's disrespect and embarrassing!

cucumberfabulous 7

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:25

I second that.....dump him!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:07

I agree with #1 and #2. Dump his sorry ass!

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:09

Well if he has to hide her from his friends, i wouldn't think HE'S the loser

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:13

Well I can't say anything about that, because I don't know either of them. But I think it's really sad to be ashamed of your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you can't even have your friends to meet him/her, what's the point anyway? Who are you fooling then?

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Sunday 30 August 2009 4:06

Totally agree with.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:07

Sorry, but take the hint. Obviously he's embarassed to be seen with you for some reason, so fix whatever that is or leave his ass.

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Sunday 30 August 2009 2:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:09

Wow what a dickhead. If you have any sense of self-respect you would dump him right now. _____________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

aaaaa12345_fml 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 1:55

no-one cares about your myspace

adamisserious 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 19:51

agreed

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:09

sixth yay

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Sunday 30 August 2009 10:58

It's not so much that I support the seventh post being nothing but a declaration of this person's inability to count, but how is it that a message as innocent as "Yay!" got buried under negative votes while the posts above and below that call this poor girl various names, assume things about her weight and how it is automatically her fault for not fitting their definition of physically attractive (even though they have no proof of this) and the general misogynistic viral that has streamed forth from this comments gets a pass? I suppose a better question is why I constantly hope to see a level of empathetic and/or intelligent discussion taking place here, even after repetitively being proven that such reactions are unpopular and unwanted.

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:09

THRASH HIM

GongButterfly 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:10

that's cruel. He's a jerk

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Sunday 30 August 2009 15:11

awwwh thats really sad. that sucks, i guess u should dump him or be like "wtf whyd u do that"

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:10

u stoopid!

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Thursday 11 October 2012 5:53

What the fuck?

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Saturday 29 August 2009 23:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

yellowaholic 25

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 8:31

Fat girls need love too

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Tuesday 9 June 2015 5:41

you are such a prick. go get a life instead of trying to be important by tearing people down.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 91

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 287