Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML
Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML
Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML
Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML
Today, I met a girl at an airport before an early flight, after I’d only had 3 hours sleep. She moved here for a job in radiology. We joked, laughed, flirted, and parted ways. I told my friend, who asked why I hadn't get her number. I joked I would’ve if she'd been a doctor. He then says, “Radiologists ARE doctors, duh!” FML
Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place, then sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML
Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML
Today, as my date and I were climbing into bed, she casually mentioned she’s never had an anonymous one night stand before. We work in the same office; that’s where we met. Apparently, I was always under her radar, and she assumed I was a customer instead of her coworker of two years. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML
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Top comments
Kamon97 23
Guess the conversation never took off.
Sebastian2022 22
Next time she calls you to ask for a ride, text her "I'm not even picking up the phone". :) easy as that.
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Comments (150)
thomcmoore 23
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If that doesn't work, burn all evidence that you tried in the first place.
albertozeta_fml 9
"Don't worry, sleep if you are tired. I'll be driving anyway"
91hayek 31
This is where you do HUGE ******* ROLLEYES and say "sweetheart, I think you still think you're on the plane because need to come back down to earth; nobody wants to sleep with you. I'm just here to haul freight."
subhaan786 19
The drive back is going to be fun :)
TheKingKen 22
Yeah, because when people do something for you, it can only be repaid with sex. Some people these days, I swear.
184886837272837 32
please don't ever say "people these days" people have always been conceited and stuck up, it's not a new thing, and no there aren't more of them than there used to be. Think about how things are better today, no segregation, lower crime rates, teen pregnancy is at an all time low, women are getting more rights every day and it's not at all untrue to say that the majority of people out there are well behaved individuals. Just something to think about next time you go to say "people these days"
91hayek 31
He did say SOME people. And if you're going to bring that perspective I think you're on the wrong site - FML is all about how things suck. Not terribly, but just enough to be entertaining.
SmoothPancakes 10
I would have made her pretentious ass walk back from the airport for that remark.
pwnman 33
Tell her to stop flattering herself.
SpongeTheBrain 0
Ouch..maybe everyone she has met wants to sleep with her. Or maybe she is just prejudice or maybe she though that the way you move the steering is a way to seduce her? *Looks up* Wow,that is a lot of maybes..
refticon 31
Just admit it OP, we'll understand, doing anything for someone you want is totally acceptable
dunicha 20
And yet, if you were to say that you had no intentions of ever sleeping with her, she would probably get offended.
SmoothPancakes 10
A probably try to file a complaint with human resources.
dreamweaver1227 11
The joys of double standards.