Intimacy: Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty... - FML

By yikesss - 23/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 446

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 346

You deserved it 2 779

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

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You deserved it 328

Gift of the gab

By Nicole - 13/12/2014 15:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 367

You deserved it 7 297

To each his own

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 254

By peepee. - 30/09/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said, "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 4 506

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 570

You deserved it 4 536

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 554

You deserved it 11 524

By rashree - 13/02/2010 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 3 594

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 134

You deserved it 1 178

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 910

You deserved it 4 691

Next

Top comments

whiskey'swino 15

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:38

Whos a bad girl? Are you a bad girl? Yes, you're a bad girl. Yeah, thats doing dirty talk wrong.

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:05

Don’t tell me he rubbed your nose in it.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:05

Don’t tell me he rubbed your nose in it.

core01 30

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:06

What does that even mean? Are you talking dirty frequently and in the wrong places?

whiskey'swino 15

Tuesday 23 October 2018 3:38

Whos a bad girl? Are you a bad girl? Yes, you're a bad girl. Yeah, thats doing dirty talk wrong.

bliadddrwg42 4

Tuesday 23 October 2018 21:03

entirely depends on how you're playing, what you and your partner are into and consent. The only wrong way to dirty talk is a way that you and your partner don't enjoy.

acmariner99 25

Tuesday 23 October 2018 5:15

So, you pee on the carpet and get your nose rubbed in it?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 23 October 2018 7:55

Part of potty training a puppy means giving enthusiastic praise when they pee in the correct place. Does your boyfriend’s name rhyme with Ronald Rump?

Tyler Allen 3

Thursday 25 October 2018 20:54

I need an example cause that sounds hilarious

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Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

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Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

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Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

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Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML

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Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

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Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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