Poopoo peepee and Health: Woah! - FML

Woah!

By Mel - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 304

You deserved it 13 080

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 975

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 116

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 068

You deserved it 5 295

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 403

By Drill Drilled - 15/04/2015 22:12 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 431

You deserved it 3 983

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 270

By wellhellothere - 17/04/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 003

You deserved it 3 323

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 142

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 046

You deserved it 1 743

By esoog - 19/05/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 534

You deserved it 48 426

Next

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:15

No, **** you. Those jokes are neither clever nor funny. Eat a bowl of dicks.

DocBastard 38

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:18

The big question here is why is your anus so ******* weak? Maybe you should have gone with the small Anal Intruder 3000 rather than the Every1luvsboners Grande size.

Comments

ig4f 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 4:52

I live in Pasadena trololololololol

nmearayta 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 4:56

which do you fix first? the fire or the crap in your pants

Tantalum 1

Sunday 8 May 2011 6:37

Throw the pants into the fire. Problem fixed.

XxbrokeNCYDExX 6

Sunday 8 May 2011 4:59

Haha

Tantalum 1

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:10

Next time, shit on the fire alarm (if it's not fixed to the ceiling)

RainbowHeadache 2

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:18

Never heard of anyone literally getting the shit startled out of them, but I guess all sayings have some truth to them.

DatWhiteGuy 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:22

Good.

Bikrbum 6

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:32

Geez get a grip!!

The_Commentor_ 6

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:33

Looks like we have found your brown note!

shawn_11 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 5:45

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha I needed that!

invicta8926 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 6:01

How old are you........doesn't really matter, WOW!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 327

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 152

Today, it's now exactly one year until I turn 30 and I’ve never been with a woman before. I know that it’s over for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 252

Today, my mother beamingly asked for my opinion on her wedding dress. She is engaged to her cousin. Conveniently, they already have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 183

You deserved it 321

Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 815

You deserved it 2 310

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 787

You deserved it 2 897