Poopoo peepee and Health: Woah! - FML

Woah!

By Mel - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 304

You deserved it 13 080

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 975

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 116

No smoke, no fire

By justme - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 068

You deserved it 5 295

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 403

By Drill Drilled - 15/04/2015 22:12 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 431

You deserved it 3 983

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 270

By wellhellothere - 17/04/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 004

You deserved it 3 323

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 142

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 046

You deserved it 1 743

By esoog - 19/05/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 534

You deserved it 48 426

Next

Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:15

No, **** you. Those jokes are neither clever nor funny. Eat a bowl of dicks.

DocBastard 38

Sunday 8 May 2011 1:18

The big question here is why is your anus so ******* weak? Maybe you should have gone with the small Anal Intruder 3000 rather than the Every1luvsboners Grande size.

Comments

ledara111 0

Monday 9 May 2011 7:39

the real question is, did you freeze it and have shitsiclez?

ZanePhilip 0

Monday 9 May 2011 8:04

Ah, Man that must suck. Well It happens to people every now and then...That sucks Dude.

luckoirish14 6

Monday 9 May 2011 15:02

3 months... what are u 10? 6 month at the earliest better to wait a year

sparty12 2

Monday 9 May 2011 17:02

yea those fu***rs are annnoying...

cheerchick2011 0

Monday 9 May 2011 20:18

im calling bull shit.

cca4 0

Monday 9 May 2011 23:40

that was hilarious.

x143iloveyoux 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:20

sharted..(:

familyguy11 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:48

it could be worse what if your wife or girlfriend was next to you

tanner3317 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:49

hahaha that's awesome. one time I was in my barracks and the drill bomb alarm went off. the guy in the top bunk got scared and shot all over my clean laundry stack o re floor

Dudemanx88 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 5:34

FAIL!

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 826

You deserved it 3 664

Today, while taking the trash out, the old cranky elevator in my apartment complex finally gave up on life. For a long hour I was stuck between floors 4 and 5, practically embracing my bio-waste can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 022

You deserved it 1 913

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may become my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 3 825

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 398

You deserved it 2 992

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 860

You deserved it 6 624

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 327

You deserved it 201