Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
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Top comments
FMLKitten 15
Just wait till next year. Then it will be no pants AND underwear.
PenguinBitch 44
Well duh, he doesn't want his pants to catch on fire from all those fireworks being lit up in the house.
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Comments (55)
natalalaliee 9
Refreshing
BlowinChronic 18
Yeah, nothing like the refreshing view of your half-naked dad.
matt98_fml 13
If he isn't gonna wear pants then give a pair of bright pink underwear. In fact, give him a whole pack. And bug him if he doesn't wear them.
SweetasCandy0609 28
Hopefully he was drunk when he made that resolution and when he wakes up tomorrow he will change his mind.
perdix 31
Would you prefer it to be a shriveled-up short year? The real question is: Is this going to be a limp, flaccid year or a hard, bony one?
jaime1480 12
I'm definitely not hoping for the latter
perdix 31
Be aware that during the winter months, the year will have significant shrinkage.
DocBastard 40
No shirt, no shoes = no service. No pants = service. Makes sense to me.
Enslaved 38
What if-- He's sexy and he knows it! Because he works out!?
bangrod 5
How long exactly?
jaime1480 12
I'm guessing about 6 and a half inches, if you know what I mean ;)
Kalipczo 21
New years resolutions only last like a week anyways
klutz44 28
We can only hope
zombieslayer83 19
Nothing wrong with that. Hell I don't have any pants on right now!
buckdharma 38
Well, with no exercise on his resolutions list, and his man boob shame, I guess dresses was a obvious conclusion on his part. Just don't let him go out looking like a hussy.