Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, my dad asked me if I'd started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later, he found my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
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Top comments
FMLKitten 15
Just wait till next year. Then it will be no pants AND underwear.
PenguinBitch 44
Well duh, he doesn't want his pants to catch on fire from all those fireworks being lit up in the house.
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Comments (55)
Proverbiation 3
Actually, this year is going to be as long as any other. It will be 365 days. Roughly that is. If it were exact then we wouldn't have leap years.
thentaniasaid 20
Just wait till you have friends over, haha.
fun4life 3
Do like my son does. Every reply, comment, conversation starter involves something to do with wearing, or putting on pants.
TheMystery13 13
"How in the hell did you ever knock mom up with THAT little thing?!" Problem solved.
VampTat 10
Hey, at least his New Year's resolution is imaginative... not the usual, "I'mma gonna go onna diet! I'mma gonna work out more! I'mma gonna get fit!" That is so cliche and nobody ever sticks to that resolution, or any for that matter, which is why I never make resolutions. People who do are just kidding themselves.
spazchicken 8
well how'd it go?