Miscellaneous: What am I like?

What am I like?

By Joe - 01/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 807

You deserved it 50 841

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Same thing different taste

By Anon - 05/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 327

You deserved it 4 124

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 912

You deserved it 39 283

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 440

You deserved it 7 606

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 1 289

By Sarah - 21/02/2016 00:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 797

You deserved it 1 730

Understandable

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 3 233

The day after

By last night king - 28/05/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 2 989

By person - 20/09/2015 23:57 - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 676

You deserved it 2 986

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 343

You deserved it 4 608

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 643

qwertyone 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:07

Drunk you or not it was still you. You are responsible for what you do drunk and you chose to drink in the first place. I hope the "drunk you" doesn't drive.

nazooer 11

Sunday 1 November 2009 20:03

Bahahahhahaha... Don't drink so much

Comments

I_am_stupid_also 6

Monday 2 November 2009 2:12

The sober-you ought to get revenge on the drunk-you by committing yourself to a rehab program. Then write a note and leave it where the drunk-you can find it saying to stay the **** out of your life.

susu_fml 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:03

coffee machine? what did u tell it you were cheating on it with an espresso maker via text??

milkradio 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:06

LOLOL why do people drunk text anyway? It only leads to trouble!

elmo_88 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:11

haha i totally have deleted all my text while drunk before, it sucks!! but hey its like a little scavenger hunt the next day to try to figure out what you said lol. and as for everyone who said not to drink...its wisconsin, its what we do...;)

frostyboy0 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:26

you have a serious alcohol problem, too serious for the internet

fireandice27 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:53

YDI for getting drunk. It's not cool in ANY way, and you just end up making a fool of yourself.

bccxcc 0

Monday 2 November 2009 3:55

at least drunk you covers their tracks

Chopperman_fml 0

Monday 2 November 2009 4:10

Dude, lay off the sauce...you don't have coffee anymore to help sober you up.

MonkeySpeaks 4

Monday 2 November 2009 4:43

all_bran_muffin 0

Monday 2 November 2009 4:53

NOT THE COFFEE MACHINE!!!

omghehehe 0

Monday 2 November 2009 5:33

hahahha op: wtf!! drunk me, sober me??!! U need AA or some good psychotic meds

_THE_MASTER_ 0

Monday 2 November 2009 6:45

I'm with you on this one... I mean, girlfriend...probably would've ended anyway. Jorb....well, probably not something you'd make a career out of. but the coffee machine?!?! heartbreaking.