By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 08:00

What a tool

Today, my ex-boyfriend wrote to me for the first time in years, because of the whole Covid-19 situation. Did he want to make sure I am okay? No. In fact, he didn't even ask about me. He just seemed to consider this the perfect opportunity to patronize me some more, and felt the need to tell me to "keep calm." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1448

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

DINOSAURS!!

Business savvy

By Alice - 30/8/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30436

You deserved it

3248

Tweet

Share

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9139

You deserved it

42707

Tweet

Share

By ragsy - 14/8/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47165

You deserved it

8252

Tweet

Share

By LockedOut - 2/11/2013 06:27 - United States

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27917

You deserved it

47180

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33440

You deserved it

3453

Tweet

Share

By Carolyn Dee Humphrey - 7/6/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5167

You deserved it

399

Tweet

Share

By ashdk - 28/1/2011 09:12

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37496

You deserved it

5602

Tweet

Share

By kappaomicron - 19/1/2010 23:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23963

You deserved it

6560

Tweet

Share

By lkvetched - 30/8/2016 17:23 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12836

You deserved it

1017

Tweet

Share

By Kasnt - 3/10/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31390

You deserved it

8167

Tweet

Share

By Not-pregnant - 20/4/2014 17:21 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43486

You deserved it

4853

Tweet

Share

By trooper93 - 18/1/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26826

You deserved it

4822

Tweet

Share

By random - 8/6/2013 04:42 - United States - El Paso

Today, at the gym, my boobs were jiggling more than the girl next to me. This would be a good thing, if I wasn't a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52722

You deserved it

16789

Tweet

Share

By Hannah - 21/12/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38884

You deserved it

7874

Tweet

Share

By stupid - 26/5/2015 06:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16181

You deserved it

51250

Tweet

Share

By Canuckster - 10/7/2011 21:41 - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10584

You deserved it

57448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 10:51 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26155

You deserved it

2719

Tweet

Share

By Notadrinkanddriveidiot - 7/12/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15615

You deserved it

46884

Tweet

Share

By randomguy - 9/7/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24854

You deserved it

12100

Tweet

Share

By ihateyouatt - 18/3/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13043

You deserved it

31018

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38823

You deserved it

3212

Tweet

Share

By bam.93 - 14/4/2020 17:00

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1363

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By Username - 7/8/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30969

You deserved it

16424

Tweet

Share

By Lovestupid - 3/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11941

You deserved it

28931

Tweet

Share

By wideawakeandinpain - 17/12/2011 11:09 - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31925

You deserved it

3099

Tweet

Share

By pixiegirl - 8/8/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38749

You deserved it

6785

Tweet

Share

By kb10 - 14/3/2011 07:32

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16136

You deserved it

75185

Tweet

Share

By noespresso - 15/8/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33623

You deserved it

6333

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/10/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33095

You deserved it

3445

Tweet

Share

By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31316

You deserved it

2802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 23:16 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48177

You deserved it

12791

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 26/3/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32097

You deserved it

5416

Tweet

Share

By poop - 21/3/2015 16:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30491

You deserved it

2639

Tweet

Share

By postop - 26/6/2015 03:06 - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31695

You deserved it

2015

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2012 14:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20765

You deserved it

5032

Tweet

Share

By rojin12 - 30/8/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12012

You deserved it

31932

Tweet

Share

By demispark - 24/4/2013 14:10 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45177

You deserved it

4823

Tweet

Share

By ali - 3/7/2012 11:51 - United States - Livingston

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10265

You deserved it

46492

Tweet

Share

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31235

You deserved it

6752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2010 14:19 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33051

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lifeis4me | 16

#7901726 - Wednesday 29 April 2020 0:46

The point goes to you since your ex-boyfriend obviously doesn’t have a life of his own to focus on.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7901633 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 18:17

He sounds insecure and desperate for attention. Don’t give it to him. Otherwise you’ll always be the person he talks shit to when he is feeling sorry for himself.

Comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7901453 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 9:28

Maybe you ought to send your current boyfriend over to kick his ass.

Don't have one? Why am I not surprised? Look, lady, get your act together or you'll have to tolerate assholes like that or end up a crazy cat lady!

By bloopaloop | 27

#7901633 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 18:17

He sounds insecure and desperate for attention. Don’t give it to him. Otherwise you’ll always be the person he talks shit to when he is feeling sorry for himself.

By lifeis4me | 16

#7901726 - Wednesday 29 April 2020 0:46

The point goes to you since your ex-boyfriend obviously doesn’t have a life of his own to focus on.

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7902030 - Thursday 30 April 2020 1:57

Well, by posting that on here you clearly aren’t “keeping calm”