Miscellaneous: Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were...

By ugh - 05/06/2010 23:49 - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 754

You deserved it 3 892

Miscellaneous

8 out 10 dentists

Time marches on

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

By yourmom - 21/09/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 950

You deserved it 9 499

By Judiee - 28/02/2009 10:52 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 571

You deserved it 5 736

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 005

You deserved it 46 196

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 281

You deserved it 1 898

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 00:02

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 537

By ssjfml - 11/08/2015 14:56 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 207

You deserved it 1 975

By loner - 14/11/2014 23:12 - United States - Madison

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 2 804

By Muwz - 13/08/2014 04:28 - France - Paris

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 9 744

By RIPLife - 24/03/2016 14:03 - Switzerland - Carouge

Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 601

You deserved it 1 531

By Bex - 20/01/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 963

You deserved it 1 938

By Littlethings1 - 31/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 126

You deserved it 1 882

Don't know, don't care

By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 436

Barf

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 161

By Noname - 13/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 798

You deserved it 4 389

By Abbynyc - 28/09/2014 11:40 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 4 146

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 391

You deserved it 1 730

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 864

You deserved it 2 828

Sucker

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 14:01

Today, I tried out my new noise-canceling headphones while vacuuming my house. They worked so well that I didn't hear the vacuum stop when the plug fell out of the outlet. I accidentally had the vacuum off the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 929

By bitch - 04/08/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 765

You deserved it 55 391

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 04:27 - Canada

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 2 793

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 065

You deserved it 5 903

By _kristaaxo - 21/11/2016 09:24 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 269

You deserved it 1 512

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - 21/11/2014 06:11 - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 729

You deserved it 4 096

By gb739 - 19/01/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 191

You deserved it 3 391

By david99021 - 19/03/2015 14:24 - Turkey - Ankara

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 2 534

By Anonymousagb - 24/04/2009 15:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 920

You deserved it 92 018

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 989

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 218

By drunkdial - 06/01/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 286

You deserved it 4 586

By AngryBirdman - 22/04/2011 05:53

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 180

You deserved it 3 675

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 18:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 915

You deserved it 1 873

Love is… strange

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 02:01

Today, I asked my sister if she could watch my son so I could surprise my boyfriend and take him out for dinner and maybe some sexy time afterwards. He didn't even know it was our 2-year anniversary. He doesn't care, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 246

By sunny_funny - 23/03/2017 19:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 655

You deserved it 444

By monkey2069 - 13/05/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 671

You deserved it 4 869

Smells better when turned on

By p0isonOreo68 - 24/09/2020 20:02

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 183

By fiendishkitty - 20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 811

You deserved it 4 092

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 10:28 - United States

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 955

You deserved it 30 991

By sharon - 14/12/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 569

You deserved it 35 176

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "2 minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 176

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 528

You deserved it 2 628

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Top comments

ruff1298 7

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:05

Well, this only proves that you're right. FYL and good luck alienating your dad from his snooping, OP.

emilexd 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:26

your father is a f*cking dick, how could he do something like that without feeling that it's wrong at all

ruff1298 7

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:05

Well, this only proves that you're right. FYL and good luck alienating your dad from his snooping, OP.

kaylabeanx 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:10

What a bitchy move. But why were most of your entries about you're dad?? I sense a hermit FYL

gutzzzz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:10

haha yeah, thank him for proving your point and buy a lock for your door :p I don't understand why people are so nosey

Ms_Jessie22 8

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:11

That sucks! Guess he didn't get the hint huh?

rawrcupcakesz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:18

OP you should of put detail about you having sex and I bet he will never touch that again.

jassporah 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:23

You already knew he wouldn't respect your privacy, so why wouldn't you find a better place to keep your diary or do the livejournal/Xanga/tumblr thing ? Unless ofcourse he keeps tabs of what you do online as well.

Nylecroc 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:30

Gutz I don't think a simple door lock will do much

TheGuyPersonDude 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:35

you should keep a faux diary so when he finds it and opens it there are big red letters that say "PHYC!!!"

gutzzzz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:48

sure it would, if they were the only one with a key :p AFP = single greatest advancement of mankind...

Maelific 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:52

AFP?

pseudolife 4

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:53

I agree with #1. OP FYL for having a snooping father.

LilAfo 4

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:57

AFP - anti-flood-protection :)

LoganBballin16 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 10:24

that dads a duche!!

TheOriginalKyrs 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 10:45

31- grammar fail.

TheOriginalKyrs 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 10:47

I mean 27 my bad *fails herself*

seanreddog 4

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Sunday 6 June 2010 10:50

no 27 wasn't a fail it was win combo of faux = fake and psych! which makes phyc! pronounced fike!

TheOriginalKyrs 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 10:53

bahaha, okay you win :)

rawrcupcakesz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:06

Sean what happen to your pussy pictures I love those pictures. But you look cute.

chrissycrunk 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:15

lmaooo at your dad xD I think the diary thing is funny, but I wouldn't care I have no real secrets from my parents, they know I drink, sleep around and stuff. sooo there is nothing to hide :) but you gotta be stupid keeping a diary knowing your dad doesn't respect your privacy teeheee

chrissycrunk 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:19

rawecupcakezz do you like know everyone on fml?? ahaha nearly every post you comment on turns into a 3 page convosation xD

rawrcupcakesz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:38

49- mostly some people. and today is your lucky day lol. hello, i am Rose. there you now know me and I can know you lol.

chrissycrunk 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:54

lol hi, I am chrissy if you didn't already guess and I like my hair being colours xD

rawrcupcakesz 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:56

I love your hair. can I keep it? you can thread Jack on the first fml. if you like lol

TokioxxHotel 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 13:40

kickass hair, 48. XD I'm gettin coon stripes put back in mine soon. OP, hide your diary better, or don't have one at all.

ducky570773 14

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Sunday 6 June 2010 14:44

because it's a diary!! a diary is a place where you can privately (as long as you don't have snooping family members) express your feelings. As for her dad he an absolut asshole for doing that. he should really respect her privacy. she should get his *ahem* " magazines" and burn them cuz that would REALLY teach 'em!!!!!

christa953 12

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Sunday 6 June 2010 16:33

27 lol that's a good idea

_Legion 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 19:06

If he's that nosy don't keep a physical diary. Make a private account on livejournal, or something.

iBiteRoses 22

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Tuesday 8 November 2011 22:21

What is PHYC?

89jessica 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:05

wow that sucks

chrissycrunk 1

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Sunday 6 June 2010 11:24

that's what he said xD

Dopeyrox 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 15:56

Win! ^^

Phil_McCracken 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:05

that sucks!

Thabb 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 17:53

YDI for having a diary. Who writes in a book no one can read except yourself?

IchBeinEinTier 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 18:11

um....a lot of people....

blo0_starZz 0

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Sunday 27 February 2011 8:00

Not me. I find diaries irritating cause I'm writing what I already know. Plus, I only write if something bad/sad happened which gets me mad/sad again. Which is annoying-.-

super3286 14

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:06

don't they have locks but your dad is funny

itskait 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ruff1298 7

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:18

No, they aren't. Daughters are not responsible for their Fathers' Bad Habit of being too Nosy for everyone's good.

nameman 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 9:13

Get your dad back write something about some kinda surprise party for your mom or something and bait him into reading it. just make sure what you write doesn't backfire.