Intimacy: Vicariously

Vicariously

By Cate - 05/11/2009 10:25 - Australia

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 559

You deserved it 3 405

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Same thing different taste

By SleeplessInSoCal - 09/08/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 076

You deserved it 3 302

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 834

You deserved it 2 432

We can tell

By Mkimmi - 12/02/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 304

You deserved it 3 715

By SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 726

You deserved it 5 714

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 12 082

By Lisa - 11/08/2018 03:30

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 080

You deserved it 956

By Scholar - 05/09/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 451

You deserved it 3 938

By Buzzie - 02/09/2010 21:09 - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 531

You deserved it 14 363

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 072

You deserved it 3 548

Nice

By Username - 07/08/2011 08:08 - Reserved

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 2 608

Pointy130 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 16:44

And you held your breath WHY?

Jmido 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 16:24

Make a threesome, problem solved. Or you can go out and find a gf.

Comments

MadVlrus 1

Thursday 5 November 2009 20:58

Just tell him to keep the noise down if it bothers you... if they are being too noisy then they are being too noisy... what ever the reason is.

perdix 29

Thursday 5 November 2009 21:43

If the walls are so thin, why don't you cut a glory hole in it and help out your housemate when his girl is OTR?

mrollg 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 22:23

haha #14 such a good idea..you'd never know if it was the roomate though lol!

perdix 29

Thursday 5 November 2009 23:16

Isn't it the uncertainty that makes it glorious?

omghehehe 0

Friday 6 November 2009 4:59

exhausted from holding ur breath? did u have some "me time" too ;)

GregoryZero 0

Friday 6 November 2009 5:22

You deserve it for not telling them to shut the **** up.

irockish 0

Friday 6 November 2009 10:29

go to a club or something

kukopia 0

Friday 6 November 2009 22:21

You'd be closer to having sex if you fantasized about being with them.

ellysa_fml 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 6:05

go yell at them. and then if they don't stop just join in. unless your ugly.

Ninjaface 0

Sunday 8 November 2009 11:11

Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

deucebrew 0

Tuesday 17 November 2009 19:09

Or rather, if you can't join em, beat it.

Zwink 0

Tuesday 17 November 2009 22:33

your a chick, you can easily go get laid, if you were a guy i would understand. go out and have some fun ;)

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Ironic Gifts Mother in law Money Birthday Family Public freakouts Education Parents Exams Students Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 450

You deserved it 6 068

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 107 047

The Top

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 481

You deserved it 1 541

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 437

You deserved it 3 757

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 142

You deserved it 4 437

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 906

You deserved it 31 269

Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 540

You deserved it 27 312

Today, after checking in and waiting for three hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 154

You deserved it 4 201