By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 07:01 - United States - Fort Worth

UTI

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

424

You deserved it

843

Tweet

Share

Time for the ER

Trust

Basic Instinct

By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1306

You deserved it

507

Tweet

Share

By DepressedCellist

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2442

You deserved it

487

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63044

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By MomOfBoys

Today, it's early-release before Christmas break for the kiddos, and my awesome-sauce boss let them hang out in our law office for the afternoon. So far, one has puked in the conference room, and the other has clogged the toilet. Only 2 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7720

You deserved it

806

Tweet

Share

By nolife - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10170

You deserved it

29884

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34991

You deserved it

3046

Tweet

Share

By ashamed father - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46746

You deserved it

8595

Tweet

Share

By Angrymom

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3022

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By booksandshadows - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44603

You deserved it

12593

Tweet

Share

By Ew - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8423

You deserved it

11993

Tweet

Share

By michelle - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23211

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18641

You deserved it

42605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because we didn't have any ketchup packets. I work in a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30881

You deserved it

2440

Tweet

Share

By sampaloompy - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31308

You deserved it

8151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30283

You deserved it

22480

Tweet

Share

By random - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23320

You deserved it

3358

Tweet

Share

By What does this button do? - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6752

You deserved it

620

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42258

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By funny? - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home I realized I'd put it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10329

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By dumb dumb - 14/8/2020 14:00

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1528

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By castironstomach

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2663

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By Forgotton - Canada

Today, I realized how invisible/forgettable I am. At work, I went to ask my supervisor what I was working on today. My supervisor admitted that he forgot I was working today. My supervisor is my brother. We drove to work together this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49666

You deserved it

3332

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23335

You deserved it

2402

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22836

You deserved it

70353

Tweet

Share

By Somethingtoworryabout

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2572

You deserved it

770

Tweet

Share

By scewable - United States

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38983

You deserved it

10013

Tweet

Share

By imaloser - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

I agree, your life sucks

73216

You deserved it

4271

Tweet

Share

By lonelygal69 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29954

You deserved it

3745

Tweet

Share

By julieseattle

Hyperviolence

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1258

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By Creeped_out_n_stuck - United States

Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46315

You deserved it

3695

Tweet

Share

By K. - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28764

You deserved it

3702

Tweet

Share

By Ballhugger - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29423

You deserved it

11077

Tweet

Share

By Crippled - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33574

You deserved it

2880

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51730

You deserved it

18788

Tweet

Share

By Too Many Layers - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10853

You deserved it

744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30037

You deserved it

1936

Tweet

Share

By smokeysarah94 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33309

You deserved it

3308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 19:59

Look mom!

Today, I was having my 9 year-old son help me find the TV remote. We were searching my bedroom when all the sudden my son says, “Look, mom it’s right here!” I turn around to see him pointing to where the remote was with my vibrator like a teacher pointing at a blackboard with a pointer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

416

You deserved it

729

Tweet

Share

By NotInMiddleSchool - United States

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35362

You deserved it

5076

Tweet

Share

By QWERTY

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33088

You deserved it

18164

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7963508 - Monday 11 January 2021 5:42

How do you not feel yourself pissing?

By spinspinsugar | 9

#7963690 - Monday 11 January 2021 20:17

sometimes you're so focused on the fart and being discreet about it, you don't really think about peeing until its too late cuz they're happening at the same time.

COMMENTS

By RhymePrime | 7

#7963247 - Saturday 9 January 2021 20:02

sorry but that's gross 🤣

By EVR | 8

#7963249 - Saturday 9 January 2021 20:05

Never trust a fart. It may not end in a start but it might end in... that...

By jfigley | 5

#7963260 - Saturday 9 January 2021 21:32

Pissed yourself or sharted yourself? How did you not feel it?!

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7963508 - Monday 11 January 2021 5:42

How do you not feel yourself pissing?

Reply

spinspinsugar | 9

#7963690 - Monday 11 January 2021 20:17

sometimes you're so focused on the fart and being discreet about it, you don't really think about peeing until its too late cuz they're happening at the same time.