Work: Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass...

By tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 436

You deserved it 29 727

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

Sensory overload

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 853

You deserved it 4 570

By caswell 1 - 28/02/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 447

You deserved it 13 177

Con Artist Kitty

By Tray - 25/09/2017 20:13

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 601

By forever young - 05/07/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 384

You deserved it 52 723

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 6 403

By Burp - 19/04/2012 12:37 - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 24 875

Small world

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - 30/04/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my roommate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 181

You deserved it 2 386

By jackskellington - 11/02/2015 04:34 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 883

You deserved it 2 826

By allergies - 18/09/2015 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 979

You deserved it 1 780

By kinlin - 02/06/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 985

You deserved it 901

By BellinaNico - 25/05/2013 04:40 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I called my fiancé just to tell him how much I love him, as a sweet gesture. He yelled at me for interrupting his video game and blamed my "neediness" on the fact that I'm menstruating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 577

You deserved it 8 283

Kids hear EVERYTHING

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 13:01 - Canada - Westbridge

Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 023

By smellybelly - 02/03/2012 06:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 150

You deserved it 4 562

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 2 802

By AllieOops - 17/08/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 435

You deserved it 3 010

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 2 034

By shadowmuppet - 31/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 582

You deserved it 548

By Spike - 29/03/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 3 199

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 13:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 594

You deserved it 6 084

By PerfectTiming - 08/07/2013 11:19 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 823

You deserved it 4 669

By WhatsThatSmell - 25/02/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 765

You deserved it 4 500

By Bibi - 23/09/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 496

You deserved it 222

By 7rafe7 - 06/02/2011 07:37 - United States

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 050

You deserved it 30 962

By joser6969 - 29/10/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 888

You deserved it 11 920

Nice family you've got there

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 699

You deserved it 2 630

By luckycharmed - 17/06/2014 17:34 - United States

Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 666

You deserved it 4 375

By ButImBeautiful - 04/02/2017 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, a little girl came up to me and told me I looked like a foot. Thanks a bunch, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 344

You deserved it 590

By KarateKid76 - 05/12/2013 03:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 438

You deserved it 6 331

By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 8 202

Thinning

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 05:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I've lost so much weight from depression that I don't fit into women's clothing anymore. There's nothing like trying to find dress pants in the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 96

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 820

You deserved it 6 117

Money!

By Sheezey - 24/02/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 321

You deserved it 6 759

By Really - 15/01/2016 16:25 - United States - Butte

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 284

You deserved it 1 544

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 11:06 - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 422

You deserved it 1 347

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's Christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replyed that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the Christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 411

You deserved it 6 368

By aurelj1 - 03/08/2016 19:59 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 066

You deserved it 1 021

By CrimsonChin - 26/08/2017 04:30

Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 571

Paperboy

By Harry - 09/01/2010 10:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 355

You deserved it 33 033

By Jenna - 30/06/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 919

You deserved it 5 594

Lookalike

By titmeister - 28/06/2016 16:30 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite Hentai character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 547

You deserved it 1 551

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Top comments

lekiat 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:53

looks like this job isn't meant for you

ImThePope 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:49

Everybody has those days, just...... maybe not as bad as that. Hopefully you gave your co-employees a good laugh? ;D

ImThePope 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:49

Everybody has those days, just...... maybe not as bad as that. Hopefully you gave your co-employees a good laugh? ;D

smiley1014 23

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:50

Maybe a different job is right for you...

ImThePope 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:26

Oh oh oh, you mean like a clown? :D

liquidfireKAN 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 13:31

this isnt really a FML, I mean, everyone makes mistakes. sure, you may have pissed off the customers but seriously, who cares? you'll never see them again, right?

littlemissFYL 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 13:43

"History repeats itself."

InsidiousChild 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 14:26

learn from the past or it will come back and kick your ass

dre_bro11 12

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Thursday 28 April 2011 14:33

Man, there should be an Official FML 'Newbies' Introduction Book! 29, the point of FML is just to get something shitty that's happened to you off your mind; a way to give others and maybe even yourself a laugh. The Mods obviously found it FML worthy.

dolphincheddar 10

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Thursday 28 April 2011 14:52

I recommend finding a job that doesn't involve work that can be affected by your clumsiness

sterlingarcher 1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 15:47

maybe you should get a job that doesn't involve carrying drinks or things that spill..

whitesox365 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:01

^^ that show is awesome

esu 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:41

third times a charm

phreshboi 1

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:21

guys she does deserve it because you pour wine into the glass after you get to the table never before

TH3_B345T 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:50

deja vu?

iLazy 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:58

I keep hearing that term. Am I experiencing it now?

Katie_the_Great 6

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:40

Tuesdays76 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 16:23

deja vu?

tino9824 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:26

deja vu?

DocBastard 38

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:29

Déjà moo - the feeling you've heard this bullshit before.

nuggin0917 1

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:51

detention

chlorinegreen 27

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:50

Watch your step!! **CRASH**

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 15:40

I've heard of this, its a common symptom of having to left feet....

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 15:42

two*^

yaer 4

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:52

Monsieur drinks red wine at work! Maybe Monsieur needs to slow down on the alcohol!

yaer 4

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:16

Oops! I didn't understood "waiting on table"! my bad I thought he was drinking red wine at work!

leeshxx 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 14:24

parlez vois francais?

yaer 4

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Thursday 28 April 2011 14:43

Oui. Et meme plutot bien! :D

VieDeMerdeorFuck 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 15:06

vous*

lekiat 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:53

looks like this job isn't meant for you

livamour 17

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Monday 13 August 2012 17:30

Maybe he had an inner ear infection..

sunshine_today23 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:55

that sucks. I hope your work uniform isn't all white!

muchagente 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:24

not anymore, in any case

cherrybitches 6

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Thursday 28 April 2011 13:51

^ lol

FMLollie 7

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:55

Perhaps a new career path?

Darcon 8

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Thursday 28 April 2011 11:59

lool fyl!

FFML_314 11

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:04

Lay off the Tequila, my friend.

Soloman212 28

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Friday 29 April 2011 4:36

Or the red wine he was conveniently already carrying.

MRobvious750 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 12:06

Were checking out someone? That would an understandable circumstance.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 151

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 91

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