Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML
Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
YDI for dating a cop(;
coralita 0
he should of brought you one!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
ThickHead 0
ass xD
kalbrek009 20
next time, keep a banana next to the bed & while he's gone finish yourself off with it then ask if he wants a bite...that'll teach him. I definitely wouldn't have let him finish, I'd have told him to go f**k the doughnut to get himself off then went to the bathroom & finished by myself....ungrateful prick that he seems to be.
mrwesson_fml 0
Doh! Homer Simpson ftw
notsofriendly 17
he didn't bring you one too? what an ass.
Arnab 0
Hahah, Awesome! I'm gonna do that, but perhaps I will be getting a water melon... Suggestions welcomed :)
MsKittyKatWeber 10
Dating Homer Simpson has its drawbacks
nickflackafury 0
he was hungry. don't be judgmental and selfish. it takes alot of energy. because while guys are thinking about the matter at hand, girls are thinking about what they forgot at the super market.
Wintersdrew 1
this guy is awesome
legendary242 5
that guy is awesome
doof_fisch 2
Did he dunk it?