Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my...

By therundown - 20/7/2011 13:38 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

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Health

Understandable

Nice neighborhood

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By howcanihelpyou - 14/8/2018 20:45 - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

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By notmysistersbf - 20/4/2015 02:39 - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

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By englishfail - 15/1/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

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By thebabysitter - 14/8/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

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By O__o - 9/12/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

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By WhyMe - 27/11/2018 17:30

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2017 02:00

Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find out that I was fired. This is the closest job near me. FML

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By lisa321 - 2/4/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

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By Pickle - 6/7/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

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By secret - 14/2/2015 14:10 - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

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By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

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By Dulieu - 10/2/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

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By hypebeast - 28/1/2009 15:00 - United States

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

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By thickly - 19/9/2016 17:31 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

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By littlefella - 4/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - 7/9/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By mystery - 7/12/2013 21:55 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

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By Samantha - 31/5/2009 12:44 - Singapore

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

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By lessimportantthanatable - 15/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I learned that the new granite countertop in my parents' house cost $12,000. Coincidentally, this is also the amount of money I would have needed to go to the college of my dreams instead of the cheaper school I currently attend. FML

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By LG - 17/3/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

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By she has dumbcuntitis - 3/6/2015 06:03 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

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By MissKitty - 10/3/2017 04:00

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

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By Alin - 13/9/2018 14:30

Today, I slept alone again in bed. After travelling 15000 km across the world to be with my long-distance husband, he has refused to kiss or hug me in the week I've been here. I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage. FML

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By changeddaily - 20/3/2011 04:52 - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

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By bigmouthedmommy - 13/4/2015 05:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

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By batgirlrules881 - 7/11/2009 15:26 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

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By Hayley - 11/1/2010 03:37 - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

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By Unlucky - 5/9/2017 16:00

Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a "Fuck you!" It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2014 02:58 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

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By Depressed - 4/8/2011 11:45 - Sudan

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

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By Radbaby - 12/10/2018 03:00

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

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By Anonyme - 24/4/2014 06:57 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

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Top comments

By RetardedChipmunk | 7

#2939154 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:53

That's a weird fetish...

By hellokat1 | 0

#2939170 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

Did she eat it afterwards?

Comments

By Chris5146 | 3

#2939145 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

chris274 | 8

#2939166 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

Gratz, want a cookie?

PopRocks14 | 0

#2939176 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:55

nah, he wants a medal.

grapisy | 8

#2939181 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:55

Or fried chicken?

grapisy | 8

#2939186 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:55

Or fried chicken?

Possum_Gurl | 13

#2939218 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:57

12- lmao!!!!!!

aussie_gemini | 5

#2939236 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:58

first is the worst, second is the best, 3rd is the one with the hairy chest!

ienjoithinqs | 0

#2939252 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:59

I thought I was second until I actually posted my comment and realized everybody before was just a split secound faster

Petunia888 | 13

#2939730 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:50

I'm not gonna lie; I mostly liked this comment because you're vegan and you're from Canada. =)

Mistery510 | 6

#2940862 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:53

my mom used to pick my sun burnt shoulders and back

By RetardedChipmunk | 7

#2939154 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:53

That's a weird fetish...

FreakoHolm | 6

#2939245 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:58

That burns

kellanlvr | 1

#2939294 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:01

some people like when you pull off the skin though, my friends ask me to do it for them all the time

whiteboy7thst | 2

#2939380 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:09

what kind of freinds do you have?

xBangOut | 4

#2939405 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:11

well it's ok if you let your friends do it, but random stranger at gas station? creepy..

daisyloo | 7

#2939439 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:14

That is really, really weird! Ewww, I can't even imagine that happening to me. FYL!!!:(

wintamint101 | 7

#2939531 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:22

that is disgusting

ByteCarter97 | 0

#2939680 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:45

I place mirrors around my private areas just for this reason. Plus there's the upside of chamomile lotion!

Jakaroo | 0

#2939763 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:54

ya didn't have to make her cry...shame.

kaylaaa1312 | 3

#2939766 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:54

thumbs up if you'd freak out on her too haha

shutup_matt | 5

#2939769 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:54

lmao that's lovely...

ArentICute | 0

#2939838 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:02

I modded this ^^

trevishere | 7

#2939845 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:02

Maybe she was getting it for the bird that likes to eat dea skin?

cameycamcam | 7

#2939868 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:06

She probably just has mental issues... but OP was unlucky

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2939872 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:06

That's fucking weird bro.

jloldude | 0

#2939905 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:09

amen!!!

MrSassypants | 32

#2939921 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:11

85 please don't ask for thumbs up. I see that on YouTube and I do not want people to do this on here too.

johnson94 | 5

#2939986 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:19

36 - are you friends with reptiles?

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2940014 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:24

-85 You act as if you'll get to the top of the comments. Do you have attention issues?

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#2940019 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:25

Gold member?

kellanlvr | 1

#2940434 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 21:33

108 everyones skin peels when you get sunburn.

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2940534 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 21:49

-139 He was referring to your friends peeling it off.

NavySEAL13 | 0

#2940842 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:47

you know time it is. it's time to ( fucked up comment here ) .

scrapmetal58 | 9

#2940986 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 23:22

You've gotta try it with BBQ sauce! It's delightful. It's already cooked! Myum myum!

lbumbblebee | 5

#2942781 - Thursday 21 July 2011 4:38

On the brightside... your sunburn got peeled off ? lol

dolphincheddar | 10

#2942934 - Thursday 21 July 2011 5:20

99. not all people with mental issues are stupid or insane.. bill gates has mental issues. don't stereotype you fat fuck

FarSide | 22

#2943021 - Thursday 21 July 2011 5:42

At some point, the dead skin attaches to healthy tissue; at that point, she could have pulled off live skin. She would have been crying alright... because my foot would have been firmly lodged up her ass.

lmfaoooooooooo | 4

#2943393 - Thursday 21 July 2011 6:52

it was gold member in disguise trying and add to his collection of skin

kaykay9080 | 5

#2943514 - Thursday 21 July 2011 7:43

em0~

squishy01 | 0

#2946489 - Thursday 21 July 2011 20:00

Thank you 209. I was diagnosed with a form of dementia, and almost no one can tell. I just have some "special" moments. Yes, when you have mental issues, you can lead a normal life.

justintttttt | 1

#2946982 - Thursday 21 July 2011 22:08

false

SeedlessMe | 13

#2947874 - Friday 22 July 2011 2:41

DolphinCheddar, that was a bit harsh, no? He wasn't saying anything bad about her, just that she may have some issues..
You're the one that's being rude! ....Dang

jennywho | 3

#2960869 - Saturday 23 July 2011 23:09

Heyy! I know #36!!!

fatguy805 | 0

#2973935 - Monday 25 July 2011 19:36

210- I agree haha

ccthompson | 0

#3171005 - Wednesday 24 August 2011 6:20

Weird!

By futboljem | 1

#2939157 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:53

second

chris274 | 8

#2939192 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:55

Not even fag, 2nd isn't even an achievement.

grapisy | 8

#2939222 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:58

3>2. just saying.

WoAhAnNa123 | 0

#2939226 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:58

and you're third..

Seabeast1000 | 4

#2939348 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:05

well to be fair both comments second and third were posted at the same time.

By grapisy | 8

#2939159 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:53

Was the woman skinny?

RetardedChipmunk | 7

#2939297 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:01

Because if she was that would make it totally normal.

SugarCrazy | 14

#2939300 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:01

What does her weight have to do with being a freak??

grapisy | 8

#2939322 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:03

Clearly you do not understand the pun. FML is about skin...

TheCountess | 4

#2939363 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:06

I see what you did there.

goshpeople | 4

#2939465 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:18

Or she was saving it to eat later. If she was indeed skinny.

2ndSucks | 15

#2939563 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:28

You so punny. :)

futtbuck101 | 1

#2939791 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:56

Terrible pun.

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2940258 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 21:06

I thought it was kinda funny!

baby_dee97 | 8

#2941996 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:06

88- love your pic!! lol lemme smang it girl smash it and bang it lol

MikalaHart | 4

#2944131 - Thursday 21 July 2011 10:19

Haha!! first I thought you were an idiot... then I got it! it took me a while though...

Havin | 19

#2952088 - Friday 22 July 2011 17:02

I don't get it

Cryingraven | 1

#2966839 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:54

Who's the idiot nowwwwwwwww!? (Please don't take offense ^^)

d3ath1snatural | 0

#3753372 - Monday 19 December 2011 5:35

tbh. I think she was Bipolar

xxBFMVAAMIWxx | 18

#5810042 - Monday 30 December 2014 13:12

It was Goldmember

pickmikk | 12

#6628952 - Wednesday 15 June 2016 23:30

I wish I could like this 100 times. Fuckin funny pun

By DudeBTM | 8

#2939161 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Chris5146 | 3

#2939197 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:56

Do you have chocolate chip?

RetardedChipmunk | 7

#2940244 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 21:04

No do you?

iLoveUnionJ | 8

#5647773 - Wednesday 28 August 2013 18:14

SHE WAS PEELING SKIN OFF OPS BACK!! WHAT WAS OP SUPPOSED TO DO? "Oh yes random lady, I'd be more than happy to stand gere while you peel me away."
Its just not normal.

By aliadnan708 | 6

#2939163 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

should've ran after her n hit her back

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2939748 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:52

haha, if it was bad enough for a stranger to wanna peel it off, then you prolly should of let her finish...

wikkedphuka | 0

#2944983 - Thursday 21 July 2011 15:43

austin powers ya fashhaaa

By ienjoithinqs | 0

#2939168 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

you should make a scarecrow out of your sunburnt skin

mackop | 0

#2940629 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 22:12

eww..

hiyourcute | 0

#2942162 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:49

That is silence of the lambs creepy.

hiyourcute | 0

#2942165 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:49

That is silence of the lambs creepy.

By hellokat1 | 0

#2939170 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:54

Did she eat it afterwards?

vistamar | 3

#2939561 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:28

Austin Powers references ftw!

TripleD76 | 1

#2939690 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:46

mmm yesh. that's a nice one. it's going in the box!

ByteCarter97 | 0

#2939700 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 19:47

GoldMember just tasted it to make sure it was nice and salty, he didn't eat it. At least not on-screen.

lmfaoooooooooo | 4

#2943410 - Thursday 21 July 2011 6:54

Austin Powers: England's answer to Chuck Norris

bennie226 | 0

#3135958 - Friday 19 August 2011 0:08

Ewwww

ryrock310 | 10

#5116750 - Monday 5 November 2012 6:32

76. Oh he ate it alright....

GreekYogurt | 26

#6400902 - Thursday 3 September 2015 12:06

That's so fucking gross!

By VeganVampyre | 26

#2939177 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 18:55

Ew... Who does that? My dad asked me to peel the dead skin off his sunburn once, and that was gross enough. I certainly wouldn't be doing it to some random stranger! Sorry you had to deal with such a creep, OP. FYL

sheethapins | 13

#2942068 - Thursday 21 July 2011 1:29

Are you kidding? That's as much fun as popping pimples and waxing hairy men! Gives a strange pleasure only sickos like me would understand...

Ace021 | 0

#2944709 - Thursday 21 July 2011 13:56

Well. Honrstly I was boref and decided to read something, but when I read ur bio, it sounds that ur a really great person, amd nice. Hope we can talk sometime