Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I... - FML

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 243

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Same thing different taste

By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 567

You deserved it 19 298

By Anonymous - 06/02/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 763

You deserved it 30 584

The customer is always something

By YEEYEE517 - 03/09/2019 22:00

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 200

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 734

You deserved it 4 673

Tipped off

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 23:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 766

You deserved it 10 178

By hadrienne's pall - 13/05/2016 19:25 - Canada - Markham

Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 984

You deserved it 4 290

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 283

No joke

By It was worth a shot - 28/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. When I went to pay my bill, one of the owners jokingly said, "Are you here to apply for a job?" Since I've been unemployed for a while and trying to find work, I said, "What would you like me to do?" She replied, "That was a rhetorical question." I knew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 105

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 653

You deserved it 2 573

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 03:44

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple that their “vibrator will go off when a table is available.” I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 1 002

Next

Top comments

manb91uk 22

Wednesday 13 March 2019 18:25

That's one articulate table - God damn!

MidnaLink 33

Wednesday 13 March 2019 18:39

He’s still better with his comments than you. I have half a mind to suspect you have Tourettes.

Comments

manb91uk 22

Wednesday 13 March 2019 18:25

That's one articulate table - God damn!

MidnaLink 33

Wednesday 13 March 2019 18:39

He’s still better with his comments than you. I have half a mind to suspect you have Tourettes.

manb91uk 22

Wednesday 13 March 2019 20:22

Careful, he'll be posting pointless abuse on every one of your comments next! It's actually kinda flattering though... I've never had a crazy stalker before! 😂

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 13 March 2019 18:31

You’re probably going to get stiffed in the tip, so it might be fun if their food was lightly seasoned with spit, boogers and earwax. ;)

mas12806 24

Thursday 14 March 2019 2:26

What do talking tables usually say?

Porsha Carver 1

Friday 15 March 2019 3:35

#SHADE U know not to be expecting a tip from them then smh 🧾

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The Top

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 467

You deserved it 6 479

Today, after a year and a half of sticking to my new wife’s “no-sex-before marriage” rule while we dated, she brushed me off while I tried to consummate the marriage. Apparently, she’s not ready to have kids yet and “semen will get the sheets dirty.” Guess I’ll be jerking it on my honeymoon. FML

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You deserved it 810

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 214

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I agree, your life sucks 13 649

You deserved it 41 512

Today, I was feeling really down and my boyfriend refused to be there for me. It’s funny because a couple of months ago he was going through the same thing and I did everything I could to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 129

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I agree, your life sucks 50 689

You deserved it 10 836

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I agree, your life sucks 35 765

You deserved it 3 561

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 391

You deserved it 316