Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year-old boy, and an 19 month-old girl. I was chasing them around the house, having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change, the 3 year-old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
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Top comments
UmmOkThen 31
That is what we call a natural consequence..... hurts livings things and in general they will hurt you back
SophieMariff 6
Wait, so did it mean that your daughter bit you in the ass? And don't worry about it, we don't blame you for kicking your daughter by accident because it's instinct and you didn't know!
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Comments (33)
BARNEYSTINSON315 10
Oh my god. Is she okay? Poor baby.
derschadenfreude 5
little bitch got what she deserved. way to teach her a lesson
Talis99 26
Der, did you just call a 3-year-old a bitch? Grow up.
wanted_2_want 40
Well, since she acted like a dog,and she is a female, then the term 'bitch' would fit in this case.
GrumpyGrinch 23
Can't really blame you, I know how hard toddlers can bite, still remember how I jumped through the ceiling, attic, and roof after my 2 year old son lovingly bit me. And count your blessings: you didn't kick her on purpose with malicious intent, it was accidentally. She will learn not to bite. May come handy around big dogs - she doesn't bite them, they don't bite her. Dog bite will be worse and with legal consequences.
Talis99 26
Well...that'll learn her not to bite, I guess.
Lobby_Bee 18
Nobody here is going to wonder how a 3 year old is tall enough to bite a grown adults ass? Okay, maybe it's just me cause my 3 year old nephew sure as hell isn't tall enough and he is average height. I would speculate she was playing with the dogs behind you when the dog bit your ass and you kicked your daughter instead of the dogs. They pulled the perfect crime.
Amazingandro 15
"My nephew can't reach my butt, so there is no way that other people's kids could possibly reach theirs. I mean, it's impossible that other people are *SHORTER THAN ME*".
lccc_ 18
dude , 3 year olds are not small. by 3, my niece and nephew were half my size. im 5'2 , so yes. it is possible. cant imagine a 3 yr old being shorter than my hip lol thats small.
Lobby_Bee 18
Or it could of been how I said happened. Not saying it's impossible that her daughter did it, but it seems like it's not the first time the dog has bitten her ass. It is more probable it was the dog again. This is really open for debate as to what could of happened, but nobody will know for sure.
idk_rose 25
That move bit you in in the ass, too.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
You've had children for three years without discovering that they are a constant pain in the ass!? Lucky you!
blaherman 12
At three years old they should already know better congratulations you just gave her a life lesson
Winchesterbride 9
shoot first and ask questions later and in this case kick first and look later
saberjpg 6
Don't worry, your daughter just learned several good lessons. One, biting doesn't feel good to the recipient of the bite. Two, just because you love her, doesn't mean you won't do what is necessary to correct bad behavior. Three, you are superior in strength and only choose to treat her like a Princess. Don't make mom angry, you don't want to see her when she's angry.